Deadpool's Journal

The blog of everyone's favortie Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool!BOOM SHAKA BOOM!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

21 Questions Part 1

I am emailed many questions so I have decided to answer them all here, truthfully, no holding back so here we go!

1. Q: How many times a week does Cable shower?

A: Umm..I don't know. Lets say 15. That sounds like a good answer.

2.Q: What's this obession with Bea Arthur?

A: Can you not see her cheescake factor? I mean its pretty obvious.

3. Q:Does Professor X have a British accent or is it one of those fake Fraiser ones?

A: Little known fact, I'm deaf I communicate by reading lips.

4. Q:Could you beat up the cast of Dancing with the stars?

A: Most def. yo though I would have trouble with J. Peterman and Jerry Rice.

5. Q:Have you heard from any of your enemies from the past recently?

A: Nope :D That's why Wade the man.

6. Q:Do you think Cable and Gaia have a chance of having something serious?

A: Beast me, don't care. Though I got a call from Cable asking for "back up" he needed help with sentinels. So I responded, "Woah Deadpool's no perv. Plus I have a name to maintain." then he's like, "No Wade you idiot I mean real live mutant hunting robots I've only seen the foot, but I'm pretty sure its them." So I'm like, "No your mean you called me an idiot. Plus I'm not a mutant dumby."

7. Q:Which cast member of your show has the most potential?

A: Me. I'm the best at what I dos. And what I do aint nice. I'm the greatest thing to ever be set on this earth. Though if I had to say someone else I'd say Black Mumba has the most undeveloped potential by miles by kilometers.

That ends part 1 of three. Hope that clears somethings up.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Yeah, I don't have a clever title

This is one quick post of random thoughts:
-I really want tacos now. Taco pie would even do.
-Though it is popular beleif that I personally type this I hired a guy after my accident during the Mutant Race 2. He insisted I post a link to his blog. So . Not as personal as mine, but whatever. That should get him to shut up about getting his pay check.
-Apparently the dude who played Van Wilder wants to play me in a live action movie.
-TACO Pie.
-I need to create one of those tagg things.
-Why doesn't playboy do an all Bea Arthur issue?

-Wade out son!

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Ask and though Shall RECEIVE

So I saw that Professor Xavier requested I post more about my show once more. So after talking to the executive producer of my show Sly Stone he told me I could talk about the first new episode of the reboot, which airs at 3 am Central on Bravo! Okay so in the first episode starts off with my ex-wife played by Sarah Michele Gellar getting crushed by a giant safe. So with her gone I now have to take care of my daugther, Mango(played by Gaia). Once I find this out I ask my friend Paul(played by Northstar) to move in with me who's broken up with his boyfriend Ashely (played by Carson) cause I don't have time for her. I get a call from Police Cheif Crumbs( Xavier) to get extra man power on a case to take down mobster Tony Italian. Now there has been some controversy here. So there might be a sterotype of the mobster, but who cares he's a mobster?

The Mobster is played by Bob Saget of the Full House ilk. I "stole" his cell and got the "phone numbers" of the Olson twins. Man I would so tottally date both of them. And by "stole" I mean take with out asking, and "phone numbers" I mean digits used to dial their phone. So anyway we lear that Cheif Crumbs is taking bribes from the mob, and Bob Saget is apart of an enemy gang. Though they hand him a brief case, the viewers don't know what it is. As he opens he says, "Woah" though we replaced his voice with Keanu Reeves, for dramatic effect.

The episode ends with me arguing with Mango, and Paul goes to comfort her. I then go next door telling my neighbor Carrot Top to stop calling me to use CALL ATT. Right then my appartment is shot up by special guest star Kobe Bryant, who plays a gansta, named Black Mumba, he yells, "81 SUCKA! Yea, boy I don't need no Shaq Diseal. The episode ends on a cliffhanger with the bullets heading toward me and Carrot top.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Curse you Hudson!

So Hudson tagged me with this:

Its a so called Mural, and following his suit:
2. Vampirella
3. Private Hudson

So if I go on and tag you save the image above in PNG format and then add your own image, that if you can takes up no more thant 10% of the area. So who shall I tag? Xavier, Gaia, Jon, no I shall tag the one known as Yoda! And also check out the X-Men Name Game for loads of fun! Cable is going to make an appearance sometime this weekend, because he got tagged by due personi. Hehe, I had a dirty thought but I won't ruin your virgin minds.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Four Jobs You've Had
Professional Hobbo
Brain Surgeon

Places You Have Lived
New York, New York
Intercourse, Pennsylvaina
Houston, Genosha
Toronto, Canada

TV Shows You Love To Watch
Arrested Development
Daily Show
and My show
Four Place You've Been on Vacation
The Moon
Las Vegas

Four (or so) Blogs You Visit Daily
Professor Xavier's Blog
Emma Frost's Blog
Northstar's Blog
Phoenix's Blog
Selene's Blog
Taskmaster Inc.
Gaia's Universal Amalgamator
Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator

Four of Your Favorite Foods
Freedom Fries
Four Places You'd Rather Be
Weirdly similar to Gaia's
Curled up in bed with Bea Arthru
Showing photos of me in Marvel Girl's dress to Beast
lying on a sofa watching tv with Cable(wait what?)
Watching Jean go bat s*** crazy and destroying worlds

Four Albums You Can't Live Without
John Legend-Get Lifted
Kanye West-College Dropout
Bea Arthur "A night out on the town"
All of Shatner's

Vehicles You've OwnedOwned
The Spidermobile
The General Lee
A box
Another box

Four People to be Tagged
Son Goku

Auditions! Auditons!

Okay so as earlier reported Cable is joining the X-Men. His team allegedly composes Cannonball, Iceman, Rogue or Rouge however you spell it,Mystique and Sabretooth. I mean that's like the stupidest team I've heard. Iceman and Sabretooth are two of your big hitters you got problems. Anyway he says he's joining the team because he's lonely now that he's got no one in his life(missing She-Hulk). Though I'm not supposed to say anything. Ah what the hell, the so called mutant messiah is a wuss.

Anyway my auditions for teams started today. But first revealing the final roles for my show. Vegta tried out for the Don's role. I told him he's more suited for the tap dancer, cause no one can take him seriously with that hair. So he got mad and walked out. So the Crimelord was cast as the guy who played Theo on The Cosby Show, his stooge tapdancing goon will be played by James Masters (you know him as spike on Buffy).

Finally we have Gaia who barely beat Lindsey Lohan as playing my daughter. I told that Lohan chick, no I'm not taking any druggies on this show. Otherwise the FCC will be all over me. We also casted Carrot Top as my annoying neighbor, who shall be killed off by episode 3.

Back to my team I talked to the Champions. So far the only ones that have a chance of making it are the ladies of the team-Black Widow and Tigra, Archangel(he's rich, and I like money), and Ghost Rider to boost sales. Though I might just form my own X-team. Maybe the Deadpool's Xcellent X-Men.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Whose side are you on?

With the recent announcement that Cable will be joining an X-Men team with Cannonball, and some other nobodies like Iceman I have decided it might be time I join a team too. Plus it'll get lonely all by myself. That's why I'm incorparting it as a part of my show. Who knows, Fantastic Four, Avengers, Brotherhood of Evil Mutants(cause I keep it real, suckas), or another team possibly? So expect that soon. Though I still have yet to figure out what Federline said about the Brotherhood, my guess is that he's leading his own faction with Toad, Blob, and probably some loser like Unus-if you change the first letter of my name you can spell a bad word or Mammoax, the gian Elephant with acid spit! Or better yet maybe I should start my own team. Deadpool's Angels!

Couple of Notes on previous posts:
-I haven't foregotten about y'all egg peoples. Just haven't had the time.
-Also the casting results will be revealed soon enough!

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Decimate Me one more time baby!

So last night was the first day of shooting for my show. Everyone was ready(will reveal who got the parts in a later post). I had gone to my girlfriend, Stacy X's, trailer so we could get jiggy with it. Because we hadn't yet, and she said once my .I heard someone else in the trailer so I quickly rushed in. I was aghast to see Kevin Federline-Spears! I quickly moved Stacy behind me and drew out my sword.

"All right you hick, its clobberin' time!" I yelled my famous battle screen.

"Hey hunney bunchums plz take khare of tis yonder so callyed hero," said that country hick while trying to keep in gangsta.

I turned around to see Stacy using her powers against me. I fell the floor barely being able to ask her why. Then and there her faced merged. "Isn't it like so totally obvious who else could enjoy shrimpicken,"she proclaimed,"other than a like country hick. Plus didn't you hear me singing! My skills are like perfect. I'm Britney Spears! " I was shocked to lear this, but there had been no other real clues unless you count the time Madonna came over and the two started making out, or the red string she wears on her wrist, or Justin Timberlake throwing a brick through our window, or the pants she has where it says Britney Spears on the butt. So as you could imagine I had no warning of this.

Professor Xavier and Northstar came quickly to the trailer because of all the noise.

"I demand to know what is going on here?" asked the sleek headed teacher.

Federline explained what had just happened and revealed that he had the mutant ability to shift rooms 181 degrees! That's one degree more than a semi-circle! "We are now head of the new Bruther Hood of Mutants! Why the heck do you think Blob came on the set for the cameo? He was spying for us! You think Magneto was accidently injured! I thunk not! I keep it real home dawg. Yea boy," said the Federline, "Who else could've set up Apokalypseses's return with his four horsemen. Us. We control the world. You think my moosik is good? HELL NO boy, it sucks. Even my bride's mooskic sucks. We control the world. We'll make this a better place for trailer trash mutants only. That's why your going down Wade, I'm taking away your mutant powers."

"Wait a minute, I thought Wade's powers were artifical, he's not a mutant," interjected the Professor.

"That's what I thought tell Britney yonder fund a thrid niple he had, he's a stinkin mutie!"

"Hold on, I thought you said you two were mutants as well."stated Northstar.

"Ummmm....Gameover, now using the British folk known as Jamie Bradrock, he'll alter reality so he loses his powers." I'm guessing Wanda has reformed again, seems so on her blog.

Wolverine was also in the room, to boost hits of this blog. Suddenly a blacklight hit the room, stains allover the trailer. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" I yelled after realizing they had taken away my third nipple glory.

"Beam us up Toad," commanded Federline to what appeared to be a communicater.
"Can we go to Lotta burger first?" asked Federline's wife.
"Damn woman, you want to get chunky? I aint gonna be married to no fatty."

We laid there knocked out for several hours before Cable found us.


Thursday, January 19, 2006

Casting Call #1/2

Okay so as I said I'll go through the castings of each part for my show. First up we had the role of the Police Cheif. For the role we had a couple of people audition including Adam West and Todd Bridges, but we knew from the start Professor Charles Xavier was the right person. Especially since the character starts...I mean is in a wheel chair. The background of the character is he was shot at a grocery store in Calcutta India when buying lotto tickets. His name is Harry Mc'Oharrysonstein. He's half jewish/catholic from the streets of Harleem. I personally tried to convince the producers to make him a Globetrotter as well, but they were like no shut up Wade. Jerkwads *Sniff*

Next role we auditioned for was my Gay friend. I didn't really have much choice since the executives picked this one. I personally wanted a female to play the gay guy, but they said "that doesn't make sense" So I'm like yeah huh it does get Jennifer Garner for the role. So they picked Northstar. I think Colin Farell also auditioned for the part, I hear he plays the other side of the street too, if you get my drift. Good luck to both, only one more of the people who posted on this blog for an audition got a part, which they can't reveal as of yet, because they don't know. I'll let everyone know when Season 1.5 starts airing. This will probably be a new continuity for the show than my previous one.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Origins and Randomness

Sorry for the delay but Cable told me that I didn't gain my powers by getting bitten by a radioactive Spider. So I had to think of my origin before I posted it for this extrvaganza edition. So my origins start in desolate New Mexico. I was testing a Gamma Bomb, I had been confilicting wtih my assistant Igor. We spoted a young man named Rick Jones on the test site. I ordered the countdown to be stopped and I went out to get Mr. Jones out of the blast. Igor betrayed me and the Gamma bomb exploded while I was out there, though I managed to save Rick. And thats how I became Deadpool Hulk. Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like it.

Moving on to the randomness, I shall go through casting for my show over the next few weeks for each role. The only ones currently known are those I posted in asking for auditions and Professor Xavier for Police Cheif(as seen on his blog).

Speaking of casting I'm looking for someone to post at my blog and become my apprentice. All interested in help fill in please post in comments and leave email. Once I've contacted everyone, I'll delete the emails.

I may have also found something better than Tacos, shrimpicken.

I need to add like a billion people to the links cause they got cool sites/blogs.

I have Electric Avenuse stuck in my head, thats all folks!

-Everyone's favorite neighborhood killing/love machine Deadpool.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

A brief word from our sponsors!

I'll only be able to give one extra special post next week because of a wedding I'm attending(my cousin's marrying his sister, what can I say I grew up a hill billy). So since some people count Sundays as the beginning of the week I thought I'd post today. Haha I win suckers! Fancomics, which I've mentioned before is a great site. Its a forum to discuss a wide range of things. Here's a look at what you can talk about:

-Transformers: Generation One, Beast Wars, toys, cartoons, comics, and all other tf related things.

-X-Men: I'm sure Professor X will be proud to know this site has a forum dedicated to the team he gathered. Talk about he movies, cartoon, comics, and heck even their blogs.

-Star Wars: Everything Star wars here, they even have a Star Wars RPG

-Doctor Who: Talk about the British TV series

-Joss Whedon: Talk about Joss Whedon's series like Buffy, The Vampire Slayer; Angel and Firefly/Serenity.

-Talk about the webcomic Exodroids

-Also discuss cartoons, literature, canned spam, TV/movies, real life, and more! Plus they're funding me and my living expenses currently. And just between us I used their credit card to buy the kitchen table from Golden Girls in an auction. And join us next week for the extravaganza post.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Episode 2: Merc With a Liscense to Talk

So at a recent meeting with the Bravo folks they finally made it official and decided that the show was better as a drama/reality show rather than a sketch show. So they're starting from square one once more. Recasting roles, making new ones, and stuff. The producer of the show is Simon Williams, also known as the Avenger's Wonderman! So with this move we'll be joining Bravo's older brother company NBC! The slot we're getting is the place where Martha Stewart's Apprentice used to be shown. Apparently we're filler since 5 people watch that time, since something called "Lost" is on during that time. The story is me raising living it up East coast style when I find out that I have a daughter. Now with my daughter's mother dead I must raise here while I complete my duties as a merc'. So my gay friend helps me raise her! Carson Kressley from Queer from the Straight guy has been casted as my gay guy's ex-boyfriend/my hairstylist. And Stacy X has been casted as my on and off again girlfriend. We've also gotten the Blob to guest star in a cameo role. Other than that we have no one.

So here's the parts I'm looking for, so if anyone's intrested please let me know:

-Police Sheriff
-Gay Friend
-My Daughter (must be under 25)
-Gangster who aspires to be a tap dancer.
So post if you want to audition for a part.

Also apparently my idea for me getting free tacos was axed. I mean how cool would that. Movin' on up, to the high life we're finally movin on up to the east side...good times!

P.S. The Egg people will be around in another batch of about 3 in a few weeks when more time is around.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


Because of shooting on my show I'll only be able to post on the blog for most weeks 2 times a week. Also Cable won't be able to fill in either because he's going to start be a recurring character on the show. I'll give you more info about it later. Guys and Gals. Oh and here are the egg peoples:

They aren't as good as the ones I made of me and Nate.
I'm doing two versions of each(So blond Gaia coming, and two versions of the others who requested an egg people). I'll have the others done when I have more time. If anyone wants more let me know.

In news on my show:

-The whore known as Betty White has had her roll recast. Now she's been replaced by my new girl(!?!) Stacy X.
-The second episode shall premeire sometime this month on Bravo.
-The format shall be an ongoing dramadey series since the sketch show didn't go well with audiences.
-The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy bunch will be regulars.
-Expect to see my college years and meet all my kids!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Race Against Time

As Wade and I stood in the Savage land as Wolverine and Peter Rasputin were eliminated from the Amazing Mutant Race our time traveling foe appeared once more.

"So I have finally found the webslinger and Jerry Lee Lewis," exclaimed Kang as he entered the arena.

"Look, I'm not Jerry Lee Lewis. My name is Nathan Summers, I go by Cable," I told Kang.

"I thought you were going by Soldier X? I was wondering whose stuff in the fridge was labeled Cable. I thought that was my stuff," interjected Deadpool.

"*Sigh* Listen Kang, what was that crisis you were talking about?" I asked.

While we were talking to Kang, I noticed Selene and Goku were looking at us as though we were madmen. They asked who we were talking to, they thought we were crazy. Obviously I couldn't prove my sanity since Wade was the only one who could see him, and sanity isn't his strong suit.

"Now I shall teleport you to the time when I rule the earth," The timelord told us.

We were teleported to a ancient Egypt, Kang sat on a throne with his girlfriend to his side.

"He baby, how'd you like to snuggle with the ole' Wademyster?" asked Wade smoothly.

"WADE! YOU IDIOT. DO YOU REMEBER THE LAST TWO TIMES YOU DID THAT?" I shouted, "Wait a minute I know you," I continued pointing at Kang's girlfriend, "You're Janet Pym, also known as the Wasp. I thought you were dating you're ex-husband/Hawkeye/Captain America. Deadpool, I'd stay away from this lady, she gets around."

"The Wademyster don't mind. The Wademyster don't care, the Wademyster knows he can give the Wasp what Kangster isn't," said Wade with a stupid girn on his face.

"You have angered Kang!"said, well who other than Kang would say that, "No one makes fun of Kang's girlfriend. He grabed Wade's hands and broke his fingers.
I asked Wasp how she could date one of her team's worst advesaries. She said, "I just have a thing for bad boys I guess, tee-hee. Plus since Hawkeye is kind of dead, I needed another man teehee." I bet that's why she went back to her wife beating husband, Giant Man.

I quickly used my teleknesis to lift one of the pyrimads and crush Kang the Conqueror with it. "My Legs, you crushed my legs!" I told him that's what he gets for being a dick.

Anyway using his equipment we travelled back to the race. Deadpool complained about his fingers(thus why I'm writing this entry) but his fingers should be healed in about half an hour.

As we arrived back we tubbled on top of a very displeased Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator and Vegeta. Once more just before Gaia arrived.

-Nathan Summers

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Party till its 1999!

Hey gang, so our story starts with us taking a break from Professor X's Mutant Race 2 after finishing up the second task or whatever. So I look at my watch and realize its almost midnight in Luxemburg. So I tell Cable lets port out of here and get wasted! Cable says, "No Wade, you idiot!" I told him we'd be back before anyone knew it.

So once in Luxemburg I get boozed up, but Cable says if he gets drunk then we'll lose the race for sure, pansy. There I ask this guy in a goofy purple and green get up to hold my drink well I talk to the lovely lady. While apparently that was his girlfriend and he's the ultra mean Avengers enemy Kang, who happens to be a jerkwad. He takes offense that I'm trying to pick up his girlfriend, so I say, "Hey buddy take it as a compliment, I mean your girlfriends smokin' hot."

So long story short he sends me and Cable to the year 1999. Cable got mad at me and keeps on saying, "I told you that we shouldn't have left the race, I told you you shouldn't have hit on that girl, I told you blah blah blah... He naggs me more than my wife(?). So we wonder around and get stuck there till 2000 New Year's Eve. Mind you we're still in Luxemburg, working as railroad collectors. So we go to the same place to celebrate the new year, Cable now married. To our shock we run into Kang and his girlfriend once more.

"Beware, the Y2K bugs will come. It shall punish all for there sins. I know this because I am from the year 2020. All who have sinned will be killed. Anyone who wishes to survive come with me," Kang proclaimed to the party goers.

"By any chance can you send us to the year December 31st 11:59 PM 2005?" I asked the purple claded journeyman.

"But of course Spiderman, I'm your biggest fan," he told me as he opened up a time rift, "Step into the portal weaved and Mr. Jerry Lee Lewis. Though I don't know why you'd want to go there. By 2004 Arnold Schwarzenegger is govenor of California, and then President by 2007 once the Crisis has ended."

"A crisis?" Cable asked.

"Hey Kangie, your girl's pretty hot," I said.

"Wade you idiot remember what happened when you said that last time, before we go what about the Crisis?" questioned Cable.

"You have angered Kang webhead, Leave before I destroy, and take Mr. Lewis with you. You have made an enemy out of Kang."

I shoved Cable quickly into the tunnel, not knowing who Jerry Lee Lewis is or why Cable was mistaken for him. Also his girlfriend looked oddly familiar. I'll have to look into it more once the race is done.

Once back in 2005 we teleported back to the race.

"Wade, how did you know where the hell we where in the race?" Nate asked, pansily.

"I dunno," I replied as Gaia entered the room.

"Were the heck have you two been?"

Okay so maybe someone did notice we were gone.

-Everybody's Friendly gun shooting maniac with a mouth Deadpool!