Ask Deadpool 5

New installment of Deadpool's answers. First from Kid Flash:

I have a question Wade, it seems since my return to the Titans I've been replaced. Kon's gone and reconciled with Timmy and befriended Hot Stuff (at the same time what kind of name is that???). Tim, well he's only ever been friends with Kon, and Cassandra- but he went and made out with her.I wouldn't want to make out with Tim, considering his history with Bats and Nightwing.So how do I get my teammates to actually see me as a friend other than a hyper-active seventeen year old in spandex??????

What the hell you're supposed to be Flash now. Go into the future and join the Legion, they have a ton of major babeage.

Two Q's from Senior Xavier

First of all, since my chair has a hover mode, going over some stairs is not going to be all that entertaining.Second, I only date really, really hot women. I am a super-hero after all.That and I can dominate anyone's mind. I wonder what Jessica Alba is doing right now?

You're not a superhero. Nightcrawler's a superhero/priest. You're a teacher. You claiming you're a superhero is like claiming Jeff Van Gundy is a basketball player. He's a good coach, like you.

So does Wolverine's DNA make you gassy? Logan's is constantly letting them rip around the school

No, I make my own gasses :D

Is it true Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles is really about LSD?
-Bill Parcells

No, it's about Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Did Brady Quinn fall to far?
-Batman

No, He's like the Iceman of football. He's serviceable but there's better stuff out there. Also what happened with the Fantasitc Mutant Compeition, I don't recall?

When does your rumored movie coming out?
-Jesus

Its unfortuanetly in a legal snafu. Like Miracleman, but 1000000000x greater.

According to Henchy AIM offers dental and a union, but according to Bob he joined Hydra because AIM doesn't offer dental or allow unions. Who's telling the truth here?
-Bender R.

Well Bender my man, I'm afraid Bob's right. AIM's dental program is a fraud that they only give to a few select members. They make the rest the ones who are given it that they all get dental. But in reality those policies don't cover squat. They're all to busy to see the dentist, nad only 2% of AIM members according to U.S.A. Today gallup poll have kids and/or a wife. Plus they never have to pay. The ones that get their teeth knocked out(the only part of the dental plan is to cover false and replacement teeth) are always arrested.

And knowing is 2/3 the battle.

I was mislead...

So I start off my day in a good mood. That soon changed.

I was shocked to find that hottie-hot Outlaw wouldn't be joining us. Apparently that copy cat, wannabe Agent X said Bo Outlaw, the basketball player would be going with us. Really my fault for not being able to distinguish between his chewing sounds and his talking. But just to let you see what I'm missing out on:

See? A hawt cowgirl that likes shooting things!

And here's what I'm stuck with now:

Now I'm not saying Bo won't be helpful, but come on, who would you rather work with? So our mission is to go terminate Don Imus. Apparently he broke some old-man guild rule. Hell if I care. Shouldn't be too hard he's a 500 year old cowboy. What's the worst he can do. Call me a bald headed man-whore? (Which I wouldn't disagree with).

Also got this letter:

I have an odd sense of deja vu. Oh well, its hunting time!

I am the Walrus!-Now with pictures!

I awoke last night on Providence without my pants again. What the hell? Why does this keep happening? I guess its hard for teh w0men to keep their hands of hawt ole' me. :D

Anyway I remember doing the Fantastic Mutant Competition, but then everything's a blur. Oh well, at least I don't have to hear Bill complain about Hilary anymore (*cough* foreshadowing *cough*). So I left Providence quickly because Cable is no longer my BFF, that title goes to Bob Agent of Hydra! I had to settle for him since I can't find Eduardo, Weas was captured by Hydra, and the Moonities were arrested for giving Boston the finger or something.

So as all of you know from following my comic book I'm currently under the employ of Agencey X since Agent X has become a fat lard. So in between stuffing his face with pringles sandwitches, he tells me that I have a new mission. Take out Don Imus. Not only do I get to take Bob, but I get to take Outlaw, and then ditch him so I can make the moves on Outlaw!

Yippie my life is great!