Deadpool's Journal

The blog of everyone's favortie Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool!BOOM SHAKA BOOM!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

He's soft and cuddly... to check out where this originally came from. Anyway enough breaking the fourth wall losers.

I smelt honey and then I turned around and saw a rather fat, yellow bear.

"Who the heck are you?"

"My name is Doctor Pooh, and I am a time lord stranger." he replied.

"Okay so what time is it in Hawaii then?"

"Oh bother, I don't know."

"Then why do you call yourself a timelord?"

"Hmm I suppose I should know then."

Veronica started to get up...

"Oh hallo there!"

"Who are you?"

"He's Doctor Pooh, and he's a time lord that likes honey."

"Yes you're friend is right. I do love my honey! It costs me no money."

"Okay so where are we?"

"You are on Gallifluff."

"That's a stupid name for a planet. You should rename it ChuckNorrision. Comeon Veronica let's go find a way back to Earth."

"I'm so dreaming this...this isn't real."

"I can help you Mr. I'm afraid I don't know your name stranger."

"Deadpool, Doctor, call me Deadpool."

The Doctor showed us in the next room a blue box. He called it the TARDIS.

"Before we go maybe we should have a snack, perhaps some honey?"

Hell Yeah Boy!

Thursday, August 24, 2006


Because I have had my beautiful writing with deep metaphors questioned by certain bald people and certain Green people I'm doing a meme. I wasn't even going to post again until Friday.

1. Why have you angered Deadpool? I have not, because I cannot anger myself. Unless I eat to much because I'm depressed.

2.If you're a shape changing martian why do you stay in the form of a blad green ugly dude? Because he's a meanie

3. What other secrets do you think Professor Xavier has? He has another kid...with Lance Bass.

Oh I can't even finish this...*goes off and cries in corner*

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Because Henchmen was lame and memed me we're interupting our current adventure.

1. Grab the nearest book.

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the text of it and the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions

5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest

6. Tag three people

The nearest book is my autobiography"Deadpool: Lives of a real Player". It only has 78.45 pages. So I'll just open it up randomly. It reads, "I quickly pushed Paris away, his tongue tasted like stale milk. I wanted to stab the dude right there. No one puts pooly in the corner. No one."

I choose to Tag: J'onn, Gaia, Sinister

Friday, August 18, 2006

Going Down South

So Veronica and I finally reached the super secret headquarters of the Ku Klux Klan in Compton. Basically the reason why I'm their enemy is because you see they hired me to kill an African American dude(except he wasn't American, so I guess he's what? African African?). Anyway, I thought they were ghosts and were looking for new friends. So I thought to myself, if I raise his ghost from the dead myself I'll get a major bonus.

Veronica kept on telling me to take off my black power medallion, but I told her I'm not going to deny my heritage. Anyway we watched their mysterious cermony:

"Brothers and Bruthas, we're here today to mark the start of a new turning in the history of man!" said ghosty 1. "Start the prayers brother Jackson!"

"Tanerle heraeroa ellajrea neawrelatreotn eateron wontaerad paorneroe oratanla randttle talrtner ltnere wkerneor inteore lanter lnster oatpern now!" said who I assume is brother Jackson!

Anyway I decided I needed to end this jibber jabber and jumped him. Veronica was yelling something I couldn't make it out but I think it was something like, "Oh Wade you're so beautiful do be every so careful. I love you."

I pulled off their masks and I was shocked at what I saw..."Luke Cage, Jesse Jackson, Bishop, Charlie Murphy,Black Panther and Sean Conery? WTF?"

"WTF? What the fuck does W-T-F you freakin idiot, you don't realize what you just did, you dumbass mother--" before the ever so colorful Mr. Cage could finish a white light flashed.

I woke up several hours later Veronica was knocked out beside me. All I could smell was honey...

Saturday, August 05, 2006


After hitchhiking and some how ending up in Luxemburg I finally made my way to Neptune, California. I needed to know who wanted to capture me, who would want to hurt me both emotionally and other ways?

I went to the best detective I had never heard of...Keith Mars! I walked into his office to find a hot blond babe sitting at the front desk.

"Well hello there, you wouldn't happen to be Keith Mars?" I asked

"No", she replied. "I'm Veronica, his daughter."

"Well, maybe after your daddy solves my case we can get our freak on, if you catch my drift."

Suddenly I was slammed into the ground by a balding man.

"Hey I know you, you're the dude from Just Shoot Me. Not David Spade, the other guy."

"What the hell are talking about you nut, I'm Keith Mars and you're going to get out of my office and you're going to stay away from my daughter. Because if I ever see you near her again I will personally make sure you can never stand up and pee again."

"Dad wait! I think he wants to hire you," said Veronica.

"Yes I know that honey, I got word that he wanted to hire me about a month ago. If the red pajammas didn't tell you, this guy is a psycopath. Something we could use a little less of in our life. I've made sure he hasn't been able to get to Neptune this long, because I don't want to be anywhere near him."

And just like that I was thrown out of the office. I then went into some random hotel and smoked someone else's cancer sticks (y'know since I have healing powers and stuff).

"Don't move."

I turned around to see who it was. Just some loser punk kid. Looked kind of familar.

"I said don't move, you see I have this thing called a gun and if you move I'm going to shoot you."

"Meh (I said while shrugging) go for it."

He shot me, he shot my head. What a jerk!


"How the hell are you alive? I just shot you in the head."

"Wait I recoginize you. Your Logan Echollis, the kid of that movie star."

"Yes unfortunaetly that's me."

"Sweet, wanna go pick up some chicks?"

"First off no, you lunatic, I want you out of my room. And second I have a girlfriend."

Suddenly the hot blonde chick walked into the room.

"Logan, what's going on here? What's he doing here?"

"You know him Veronica?"

"He's a mercenary, he wanted to hire my dad. His name is Wade Wilson."

"Actually I prefer to be called Deadpool, because I'm proud of my mutant heritage."

"Shut Up." The two said.

So we finally came to an agreement. I'd leave Neptune in exchange Veronica would help me find out who wanted to kill me. ROAD TRIP! With a hot blonde! This is a dream come true(well almost if only Bea..sigh)
She asked me,"Do you have any enemies?"

"The KKK, KFC, Lamb Chops, Kang, Ricky Bobby, The Hoff, the Black Swan, that wuss J'onn who complains about me not posting, K-Fed, Alien Jewish Elvis, Agent X, The Govenator, MADD, Jose Canseco, Piglett, Lex Luthor, DC Comics, Wolverines, The UN, Voldemort, Bruce Timm, Alex Ross, The B.A.D. Girls..."

"Okay that's enough for now. Why don't we start at the begining. Why does the KKK hate you? "

To be continued...