Deadpool's Journal

The blog of everyone's favortie Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool!BOOM SHAKA BOOM!

Friday, December 30, 2005

The Forthcoming Apocalypse

So Cable and I have just started on the Amazing Mutant Race that Professor X is hosting. I convinced Cable to stop at the bar, he said that we'll lose to everyone else. But once I let him in on my plan, he says, "Wade you idiot thats not how the game works."
I was shocked and flabberghasted we had to find clues. I mean sure I once played Sherlock Holmes in the off Broadway production of,"Shake that booty, the life of Jimmy Carter" but still that was too much work. So we decided to find the clue which was blah-blah-loser team Defenders. Which meant Dr. Strange.Right now we're on the lunch break.I sat next to Selene , and man I think she was hitting on me. Unless she meant by whats that smell, get away from me? But I think she's talking about my new brand name Deadpool after shave. And that Hudson keeps on pointing his gun on me. I'll just have to tell him I don't play that side of the street. Thoug maybe I should give him Northstar's number.

Anyways Cable, thanks(not) to Gaia's and The Sayian's Blogs, that Apocalypse is back. He now says we need to go and stop him. But I said now, you know how much sales will go up on Cable & Deadpool with Apocy guest starring? So I'm still trying to stop him.
I mean have you seen him lately, he's an old homless dumby. Big Dumby...

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Yay! I'm bored.

Yup pretty bored here, so I made these digital egg people replicas of Cable and me:

Neat, eh?If anyone wants me to do them, I can do it when I am bored next! Ahhh...little Deadpool's smiling. In other news, I have just learned I was once a member of the Brootherhood of Mutants. I have no recollection of this, but according to the toys r us X-Men comic I found I am. Cable says its even odder, because I'm not technically a mutant( but I won't let that hold me down my mutant brothers and sistas!). This Stacy girl won't leave me alone now. She wants to move in with me. And I don't know why everytime she asks me to do something I say yes. I think Cable's going to go to his dad's wedding and try and convince one of his moms to call it off. Beats me which one. Anyways that's all folks, Cable will probably come in a little bit.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Reno 911!

So I woke up this morning still, in Reno. I got hammered, but still bored. So I decided to get some "adult entertainment" if you know what I mean. The lady of the night I hired was named Stacy X. She claimed to have been an X-Man(personally I didn't believe her, but I'm sure one of the school's people can confirm this).

Instead of having what I paid her to do,all she did was complain that the mary Archangel is a jerk who sleeps with underage country girls. I really don't care she wouldn't stop complaining. So I left the room(she thinks I'm still there). As I was walking down the street, I was stopped by some cops. To my surprise they were the cops from Reno 911 on comedy central. Apparently they're real. They wanted to lock me up for "trying to kill governor of California". So I tell them they should knight me for it. I'm practically a saint for doing it.

As they were cuffing me I bodysilde back to my hotel room. Cable was pretty upset, apparently he was in the middle of a meeting with the UN or something. I really wasn't bothered. Though I did convince him to join the amazing race with me. I know how we'll win for sure... Anyway time to get back to watching Golden Girls the best of DVD with Stacy and Cable. Mmmm.....tacos!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Ho, Ho, Ho, I'll be back...

Sorry for the delay guys and gals. I've been chasing down Arnold for the past few days. I've been stalking him since our confrontation at my shin dig.
Our Converstation went so(Note Arnie's dialouge is spelled to read how he said it):

ARNOLD: So da girly man Deadpool has come to veeeesit. Id you fuget yur blankie? Like a little girly man.

Deadpool: Okay I don't know what you said, but you're going down. You're evil!

A: You can't do dhat I da govenator.

Deadpool: I know about your scheme, you originally acted in the Movie Kindergarten Cop, so you could brainwash the kids at the time. Now all of who are grown up. With them in your control you could have the army the size of 1/2 the population of Wyoming.

A: So mayde you do have da proooof. But why would you stop me, when I have already taken what is most precious to you.

D: What do you mean?

*Arnold put on a video. He's making out with Bea Arthur, and BETTY WHITE! At the same time. Then things get NC-17*

A: Mwhahahahahahhahahah!!!

D: You filthy son of a ---

* I punch him, suddenly all these men in suit who are apparently the first centriplets. We battled it out. I tried to stab but to no use. He was a cyborg.

A: The terminator is my biography,not a ficichunal moovie.

We duked it out I uppercut him. After a long battle we both fell to the floor. I woke up the next morning in a Casino in Reno, NV. I'll get that little dirtbag next time. Oh yeah and professor X took this mental picture fo the battle when he read my mind(I know he got a treat of seeing Betty and Bea undressing in the video!). Thanks Professor:

Thursday, December 22, 2005

First Episode of Deadpool's show

Wade has requested I recount the events of his show while he stalks down the Governor of California. So here it goes:

The show opens with Deadpool's new theme song which goes like, "He's Dead, he's Dead, He's Deadpool. He's the merc with the mouth. He's got bad breath. Ugly as hell skin. But nevertheless he's lovable as the south. [Deadpool interjects] "I'm a good ole sudern boy." Yes the that's how he says it and mind you he's dancing to the theme song looking like an idiot.

So the episode starts off with him fighting ninjas and narrating about himself. He gets cornered by a bunch of ninjas. Betty White comes in and saves him. Apparently in the show she's his mother/bodyguard. Next they talk about how Deadpool could use some updating from his 90s look. So they take him to the queer eye guys. Who give him this outfit with a big pink feathers and velvet laced shoes. The queer eye peoples mistake him for being gay. So the set him up with Paris Hilton's ex-fiancee, Paris. Wade freaks out wackiness ensues. He tries to explain he's not homosexual where Paris says he's not either. And then the big twist comes at the end, the doctor calls and says, "Wade, you're going to be a dad." And that was just one skit, I won't go into anymore detail with it. Don't want to spoil anything

I give it a2 out of 5. Just because of the brief moment sketch where Wade wore a diaper.(which unfortunately wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

-Farewell for now. Nathan Summers signing off.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Show of Last Night

So the my television show premeired last night, though thats not really the important part. Apparently the reason Storm asked for two tickets was so she could go with the Black Panther. I knew she was a two time cheating whore, yet I let here trick me again. She even said that she told me the two were engaged, and I said,"Woman, do you think I listen? My memory span for converstation is 20 seconds tops." On the Red Carpet Mrs. Summers discovered about her husbands other dates(apparently he was also going with his ex-wife as well). I enjoyed seeing Mr. Summers getting his head knocked in by his dates(who suprisingly all worked together). I mean that guy can't hog all the X-booty. This resulted in Mrs. Summers asking for She-Hulk's card so she can get 99% of the stuff during the divorce.

Professor Xavier went with Gaia(check his blog for more of that). Jamie Madrox eat half the buffet by himself(suprisingly he stayed thin,even though he's not on South Beach). Cable and Domino were snorsville. Gambit got mad and claimed that he wasn't gay. Though I thought I heard him mumble, "why da deadpool set me up wit a Candaian?" Northstar was displeased also saying, "I thought you know I have higher standards than Gumbo Grease Guys."

Now going on to the most interesting part. After the screening of my new show(which shall be on Bravo)I ran into the Govenor of California, (Arnie of course). As he was talking to Doom(who happened to be chuckling about who "the cursed Richards had a wife who cheats on him"). The Govenor had the nerve to call me a girly man. I slapped him. I said, "Hey there's plenty of fine looking ladies here, I'll prove I'm a man." He then said something in wherever he's from nese. Long story short I'm now chasing him down. I've just taken a break to find him and purchase Serenity on DVD(which isn't actually a half bad movie). Cable shall drop by tommrow with a full description of my first episode. Wade out!

Monday, December 19, 2005

My Show Shall Premiere

First off I did manage to track down Cable using our super cool bodysliding. He told me to go away. Apparently fighting off Apocalypse and his new Horsemen are more important than some stupid pictures of me. I told him they weren't stupid. My mom said I look very handsome in those pictures.

Tonight Bravo is holding a special screening of the first episode of my reality/sketch comedy show, which is now entitled "Deadpool The Ever-loving Speedo Wearing Mercenary who at times is a little loose with Language." So the screening is red carpet in Hollywood of course. I think I might get lucky with Storm after the showing, she asked for two tickets so she could see it. Other famous people are attending are:

Betty White(my Co-star)
The Guys from Queer eye for the Straight guy
She-Hulk "Jennifer Walters"w/ date John Jameson Jr.
Cable("Nathan Summers") w/ Domino
Gov. Arnold Schwartzenager w/ date Sue Richards
Samuel L. Jackson w/ date to be determined
Jamie Madrox w/Rahne Sinclair
Gambit "Remy LeBeau" (who I have set up on a blind date with Northstar)
Cyclops "Scott Summers" w/ date Emma Frost and Jean Grey(can't hate a player)
Professor Charles Xavier w/ date tbd
Dr. Victor Von Doom w/ date Charlize Theron

There's more I'm foregetting, but those are the big names for the most part.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Its called Civil War!

So I have received compensation for my lawsuit. She-hulkie managed to get Marvel to promise me a upcoming spot in its next big block buster comic event entitled, "Civil War". I'll have a big role in the comic, well okay maybe not. They did say I would speak. Alright, Alright, I was promised a Cameo. Fine I was promised to have my name mentioned.

In other news and notes, Nate still has pictures from my date with Paris. I plan on burning them tonight. As for why obviously the pictures are misleading. Plus I think Storm and my relationship's got started again. I told her I'd get plastic surgery(though I'm not *snickers*). And I don't just lay there if thats what you're thinking, Mr. Reader. Anyway I'm off.


Friday, December 16, 2005

I get no respect...

Well according to Professor Xavier's post on my last entry I'm in the X-Men Legends video game. I was unaware of this. So I called up She-Hulk to find out if I'm getting paid royalties. She says no. Because of this and the recent lack of jobs, I've decided to sue Marvel and Activision for 2.3 million dollars. She-Hulk said that's unwise, because they'll probably make Cable/Deadpool comic Cable and I'll be thrown into limbo. But hey I'm trying to keep it real.

And sorry for the lack of posting. Busyness getting drunk in my underwear crying. Tried to watch Bea Arthur's one woman show, but just started to cry myself to sleep.

-DP everyone's favorite merc' with a mouth.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Mr. Summers I'm afraid has misinformed you...

Well I have read Nate boy's post about my alleged date with a male Paris. Now I have no idea what he's talking about. Yeah maybe I had a few drinks with a guy named Paris, but nothing happened I had to do because of a contract. Because he betrayed my trust I'm kicking him off my blog. He is no longer welcomed here. Loser.

Anyway She-hulkie is helping me get out of this show or another date. I did go onto Queer Eye, they gave me a Pirate shirt for some odd reason. They also called me Spiderboy. So I stabbed the blondie. He apparently thought it was assult(I made sure I didn't kill him). Though I might stay because Bravo has offered to get me Betty White as a co-star! Oh so ever closer to Bea Arthur....

Also I kicked him out of the apartment with the help of the ever so beautiful She-hulk. So now he's homeless, so if anyone has extra space you can take him in.