Ask Deadpool #3
The fatest growing advice column in the universe returns less than 24 hours since the last! Take that Dear Abby. I'm like Pizza hut to Abby's Little Ceaser's. Much better service. Anyway got a date this Friday. Oh yeah, the Wademyster has still got it. Let's start with the first letter from everyone's favorite bald man(after Brian Bendis):
Wade, there is a problem that I find rather distressing. It's all these people going on and on about global warming. It's making me feel very anxious. I wish people would stop talking about it. Can you help?
- Charles X.
Professor the answer is so simple you're going to be hitting yourself on the head.You mindwipe Al Gore's mind. If he's not talking about it no one will think about it or care. If that doesn't work take it one step further and enlist the help of Emma Frost and the other telepaths on your team for a massive mindwipe of the earth.
If you're really don't feel like doing that you could always move abroad to Oa or the Kree home planet. I know you're unwelcomed currently in Shi'ar space.
Next up we have a very scary person who'd likely do anything to piss everyone off:
Okay I'll play. Why do you suck?
-Mike Warner
You're mean. What are you even from? I mean everyone knows me, Ryan Reynolds even said he wanted to play me. Okay so Karl is telling me your from some webcomic called Shortpacked!. That's kind of cute I guess, if you're into titles that can't even get published from Antartic Press. Come back when you have a trade out.
Finally this comes from a mystery sender:
Dear Deadpool,
I currently made a big mistake by making out with an ex of mine. I was really drunk at the time, but he has a annoying messiah complex. It was never about us when we were together. It was always about "saving the world." Should I leave him again before things get too serious?
Sincerely,
Panda-Girl
This sounds oddly like one of my ex-best friends, who's a jerk. I say dump him, unless he's drinking. Just be gentle. And don't give him the standard its not you, its me bs. Be creative say that you've discovered you like girls and you met a hot chick named umm...let's say Barbra....Bush! And that the only reason you're with him is because he looks oddly like her. Now I have a hunch I know the person you're talking about, but I won't reveal his identity out of respect and to see if anyone can guess who he is!
Next time I give my opinion on who's blog is hot and who's is not. I'll also try to breka my record of answering three letters(that is if I get more).
Stay sharp True Skeptics!
Wade, there is a problem that I find rather distressing. It's all these people going on and on about global warming. It's making me feel very anxious. I wish people would stop talking about it. Can you help?
- Charles X.
Professor the answer is so simple you're going to be hitting yourself on the head.You mindwipe Al Gore's mind. If he's not talking about it no one will think about it or care. If that doesn't work take it one step further and enlist the help of Emma Frost and the other telepaths on your team for a massive mindwipe of the earth.
If you're really don't feel like doing that you could always move abroad to Oa or the Kree home planet. I know you're unwelcomed currently in Shi'ar space.
Next up we have a very scary person who'd likely do anything to piss everyone off:
Okay I'll play. Why do you suck?
-Mike Warner
You're mean. What are you even from? I mean everyone knows me, Ryan Reynolds even said he wanted to play me. Okay so Karl is telling me your from some webcomic called Shortpacked!. That's kind of cute I guess, if you're into titles that can't even get published from Antartic Press. Come back when you have a trade out.
Finally this comes from a mystery sender:
Dear Deadpool,
I currently made a big mistake by making out with an ex of mine. I was really drunk at the time, but he has a annoying messiah complex. It was never about us when we were together. It was always about "saving the world." Should I leave him again before things get too serious?
Sincerely,
Panda-Girl
This sounds oddly like one of my ex-best friends, who's a jerk. I say dump him, unless he's drinking. Just be gentle. And don't give him the standard its not you, its me bs. Be creative say that you've discovered you like girls and you met a hot chick named umm...let's say Barbra....Bush! And that the only reason you're with him is because he looks oddly like her. Now I have a hunch I know the person you're talking about, but I won't reveal his identity out of respect and to see if anyone can guess who he is!
Next time I give my opinion on who's blog is hot and who's is not. I'll also try to breka my record of answering three letters(that is if I get more).
Stay sharp True Skeptics!
posted by Deadpool @ 10:05:00 PM
7 Comments:
At 12:36 AM,
Vegeta said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 12:38 AM,
Vegeta said…
Ok I guess Cable now what Do I win?
Also for the advice Coulumn My daughter is about to marry an Idiot who's the son of an idiot What would you do ? This should be good for a laugh at least .
The Prince
At 11:37 AM,
- said…
It's very nice to see the success of your advice column, it's nice to know that there are those willing to lend a hand. Look above, even Vegeta is asking for help (his ego must be deflating).
Keep up the good work.
Wonder Woman.
At 6:22 PM,
Professor Xavier said…
Oh right, Henchie. Like you could. I have a whole army, remember? I think I'll make you run around NYC for a couple of hours in your Strawberry Shortcake underwear. That should teach you some humility.
And you still own my five large, by the way.
At 5:26 PM,
Tony Stark Iron Man said…
Ok Deadpool Here's a question. How do I deal with this annoying Merc at work?
At 8:55 AM,
- said…
You mentioned bowling and Applebees, may I ask is bowling like in Amazonia where we use the heads of our enemies?
At 3:34 PM,
Deadpool said…
I was thinking the sphere that have three holes in them and come in a variety of colors. No heads.
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