Deadpool's Journal

Oh Snap!

2008-01-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

I kicked that whore J'onn out of my apartment. I don't need no stikin' martian traitor. He's a traitor. Anyway over the past couple days I noticed I was being followed. I thought it might be Bob or Daniel Way trying to study to me.

So last night I'm coming home from the first annual Betty White convention (it was okay, not as good as Bea's). So my key gets stuck, when suddenly someone jumps on my back and starts attacking me.

"Perpare to die Deadpool!"

It was Snap! From Kelloggs Rice Kripies! (Am I miss an apostrope)

So I was all like no you didn't bitch! You aint stealing my trix you *!@#$%#%^$#%!

So I stabbed him and traded him to Mister Sinister for something called a "Cy-Kill." I have no idea what that is, but I'm excited!

Blog News

2007-09-14T17:49:00.000-06:00

Just in case some of you didn't hear the news I've started a new blog with J'onn. We'll take turns posting. Should be updated 5 days almost every week. Link:
http://deadpoolandjonn.blogspot.com/

90th Post! Swoosh!

2007-09-04T15:40:00.000-06:00

So its time for another addition of Deadpool's Answers. I start at Logo next week. Freedom Ring wanted to meet today for dinner, let's hope she has flowing hair like Betty White.

Here we go:

Dear deadpool,

What the hell?!

-Scrooge McDuck

What the hell indeed. I have no idea what you're refering to, but I'm filing a restraint order.

Dear Deadpool,

I can never open pickle jars. What should I do?

-Master Chief

Well I don't care about your problems, Mr. I have a movie in developmental hell with Peter Jackson. I only have a movie in developmental hell because Avi Arad's kid likes me and Ryan Reynolds wants to play me, but play Flash more. For Criss sakes.

Dear Deadpool,

I'm emo and want to cut myself. I'm making out with my dead best friend's girlfriend and my dad and ex-girlfriend are dead.

I hate you,
Tim Drake.

*Cries* I have similar problems. I've been charged with sexual harrassment by my dead best friend's girlfriend. Except I'm not Emo like you!

Dear Deadpool,

I think my boyfriend is cheating on me, with himself. You see he's a shapeshifter. What should I do?

-Wic...Asg...Bill

Well Bill I'd suggest you hire me for the cheap rate of $800 a minute to catch your boyfriend. I can kill him for another 1,000,000.

Till next time this is Deadpool. Excelsior!

I'm Back!

2007-09-03T19:32:00.000-06:00

Hey all,

You may wonder why I haven't posted in over a month. Well I'm me from the day after my last blog post. Kang sent me to the future. Anyway I have exciting news.

Apparently my future self was in negotiations with Logo TV for a new show. I have no idea what the show or channel is, but once I saw the contract I signed! Some people will say, Wade, why didn't you read the contract? Well its because I need to spread myself across the world. I'm a whore like that. My co-host will be some person named Freedom Ring. I have no idea who this is, but lets hope she looks like Bea or at the very least Sarah Jesse Raphael.

What will my show be? A sitcom, one of those dramadies I hear so much about, a game show, or another one of those talk shows since I have prior experience.

In other news:
-my future self was Paris Hilton's prison mate.
-My future self was thrown out of the Transformers Movie for describing how I'd make love to Michael Bay.
-My Apartment is vacaant other than Bob and Weasel . What happened to Ed and those Moonthingys?
- I have a girl friend named Jessica. I have no idea what she looks like.

To Imus or not to Imus?

2007-06-06T17:50:00.000-06:00

After a month of tracking Bo Outlaw and I finally caught up with Imus's trail yesterday.

"Deadpool my man, we have to have a..."

I couldn't hear Bo, and I honestly didn't care. I was too busy storming into the bar to get rid of Imus. I wanted to return home to my Bea Arthur porn stash. I saw him at the barstool covering his face with his cowboy hat.

"The jigg is up Imus, your days are numbered!" I trimuphintently shouted.

"Well, well if it isn't my old arch nemis..nemisi...nemy...foe Deadpool!"

"We've never met before."

"Oh but I'm not Don Imus, I'm Kevin Federline!"

"And this time Deadpool, I'm not alone. Met my parthner in crime Kang."

"I already bet that purple face doffus, with Bo's help I'll easily kick both your kesters.

Kang got up from his stool and pressed a button on his glove, "But this time you chattery assasian we have more than just the two of us."

"This time? What do you mean this time?"

"Don't you recall last time? Oh wait, time travel confuses me so much, anyway all of your enemies have joined forces to take you down, The Rhino, Bruce Timm, The Olson Twins, The Swan, and Ben Savage! HAHAHA"

"Wait what did I do to Ben Savage?"

"You know what you did you bastard! If it hadn't been for you I would've had a primetime Emmy and be critically acclaimed! Not Matthew Fox!"

I had no idea what he was talking about. The odds were not looking good for me. So I charged, wondering if my stash of Bea photos was untampered with at home.

To be continued...

Ask Deadpool 5

2007-04-30T17:02:00.000-06:00

New installment of Deadpool's answers. First from Kid Flash:

I have a question Wade, it seems since my return to the Titans I've been replaced. Kon's gone and reconciled with Timmy and befriended Hot Stuff (at the same time what kind of name is that???). Tim, well he's only ever been friends with Kon, and Cassandra- but he went and made out with her.I wouldn't want to make out with Tim, considering his history with Bats and Nightwing.So how do I get my teammates to actually see me as a friend other than a hyper-active seventeen year old in spandex??????

What the hell you're supposed to be Flash now. Go into the future and join the Legion, they have a ton of major babeage.

Two Q's from Senior Xavier

First of all, since my chair has a hover mode, going over some stairs is not going to be all that entertaining.Second, I only date really, really hot women. I am a super-hero after all.That and I can dominate anyone's mind. I wonder what Jessica Alba is doing right now?

You're not a superhero. Nightcrawler's a superhero/priest. You're a teacher. You claiming you're a superhero is like claiming Jeff Van Gundy is a basketball player. He's a good coach, like you.

So does Wolverine's DNA make you gassy? Logan's is constantly letting them rip around the school

No, I make my own gasses :D

Is it true Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles is really about LSD?
-Bill Parcells

No, it's about Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Did Brady Quinn fall to far?
-Batman

No, He's like the Iceman of football. He's serviceable but there's better stuff out there. Also what happened with the Fantasitc Mutant Compeition, I don't recall?

When does your rumored movie coming out?
-Jesus

Its unfortuanetly in a legal snafu. Like Miracleman, but 1000000000x greater.

According to Henchy AIM offers dental and a union, but according to Bob he joined Hydra because AIM doesn't offer dental or allow unions. Who's telling the truth here?
-Bender R.

Well Bender my man, I'm afraid Bob's right. AIM's dental program is a fraud that they only give to a few select members. They make the rest the ones who are given it that they all get dental. But in reality those policies don't cover squat. They're all to busy to see the dentist, nad only 2% of AIM members according to U.S.A. Today gallup poll have kids and/or a wife. Plus they never have to pay. The ones that get their teeth knocked out(the only part of the dental plan is to cover false and replacement teeth) are always arrested.

And knowing is 2/3 the battle.

I was mislead...

2007-04-28T16:37:00.000-06:00

So I start off my day in a good mood. That soon changed.

I was shocked to find that hottie-hot Outlaw wouldn't be joining us. Apparently that copy cat, wannabe Agent X said Bo Outlaw, the basketball player would be going with us. Really my fault for not being able to distinguish between his chewing sounds and his talking. But just to let you see what I'm missing out on:

See? A hawt cowgirl that likes shooting things!

And here's what I'm stuck with now:

Now I'm not saying Bo won't be helpful, but come on, who would you rather work with? So our mission is to go terminate Don Imus. Apparently he broke some old-man guild rule. Hell if I care. Shouldn't be too hard he's a 500 year old cowboy. What's the worst he can do. Call me a bald headed man-whore? (Which I wouldn't disagree with).

Also got this letter:

I have an odd sense of deja vu. Oh well, its hunting time!

I am the Walrus!-Now with pictures!

2007-04-27T21:51:00.000-06:00

I awoke last night on Providence without my pants again. What the hell? Why does this keep happening? I guess its hard for teh w0men to keep their hands of hawt ole' me. :D

Anyway I remember doing the Fantastic Mutant Competition, but then everything's a blur. Oh well, at least I don't have to hear Bill complain about Hilary anymore (*cough* foreshadowing *cough*). So I left Providence quickly because Cable is no longer my BFF, that title goes to Bob Agent of Hydra! I had to settle for him since I can't find Eduardo, Weas was captured by Hydra, and the Moonities were arrested for giving Boston the finger or something.

So as all of you know from following my comic book I'm currently under the employ of Agencey X since Agent X has become a fat lard. So in between stuffing his face with pringles sandwitches, he tells me that I have a new mission. Take out Don Imus. Not only do I get to take Bob, but I get to take Outlaw, and then ditch him so I can make the moves on Outlaw!

Yippie my life is great!

Day 1

2007-03-31T17:37:00.000-06:00

After much dealy due to censorship (apparently its against network standards to show Bill Clinton in the buff(what network?)). Anyway now back to the first challenge of the Fantastic Mutant Competition! Which is pro-mutie, unlike that anti-homo superior Xavier. Hehe homo....

Dr. Doom: Come Clinton, we must humilate Richards.

Bill Clinton: Hey Doomy buddy, how about we skip this and go to a Hooters!

Dr. Doom: It is more important to defeat Richards!

Clinton: Okay, don't get your panties in a bunch. Here why don't I put this Hilary '08 pin on your shall there.

Doom: Doom does not wear shalls, it is a cape! And Doom is supporting Obhama in '08.

Clinton: Obhama? Why you tra...Wait if you support Obhama then Hilary will win and I can chase after all the girls I want!

Doom: DOOM DOESN'T CARE!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elsewhere we catch up with what Batman and H.E.R.B.I.E. are up to.

Batman: These chimichanga wrappers were clearly left by Deadpool, if we follow them we should be able to figure out what our first task is.

H.E.R.B.I.E.: I love you.

Batman: I'm the Goddamn Batman. *throws batarang into H.E.R.B.I.E.

H.E.R.B.I.E.: :(

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Until H.E.R.B.I.E.'s fixed here's coverage of Black Panther and Jessica Alba.

Black Panther: So you wanna ditch this and get drink?

Jessica Alba: Aren't you married?

Black Panther: Um....no.

Jessica Alba: Okay!
-----------------------------------------------
Can everyone say DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVORRCE? But who can blame the fella, plus as shown in my earlier posts Storms a cheating slut! Let's see what Charlotte and She-Hulk are up to.

She-Hulk: Charlotte , I think I found the card with the next task. Defeat a Cylon and then trade its head for a taco. What the hell that's possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Don't you think so Charlotte? Charlotte?

*lifts foot up and looks at shoe*

She-Hulk: Omigosh!
--------------------

Next time we check in with the other four teams! KABOOM!

Fantastic Mutant Competition Day 1

2007-03-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

Earlier this morning we held the first meeting Here's the transcript:
DeadpoolToday is the day one of the greatest challenge in the Multiverse-The Fantastic Mutant Competition!

Now I know it isn't easy being a mutant, like it isn't being green. As I have personal experience of being both.

Mr.Fantastic: Wilson, you realize none of us are mu-

Deadpool: Dr. Richards have you met Jessica Alba yet? She had to replace Wesely after he dropped out.

Mr. Fantastic: Why no, I didn't. Its a pleasure Ms. Alba *kissing Alba's hand.*

Invisible Woman: REED!

Mr. Fantastic: (whispering) You'll have to excuse the wife Ms. Alba, its her time of month.

*Mr.Fantastic KOed by wife*

Deadpool: Okay moving on...your first challenge...

Galactus: I'M HUNGRY!!!!!! AND I CAN'T HEAR YOU. SPEAK UP!
Deadpool: Please Galactus use your indoor voice.

Galactus: I'M USING MY INDOOR VOICE. MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TO USE MANNERS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Eduardo: Senior Galactus, if you are hungry I have mucho potatoes.

Deadpool: EVERYONE SHUT UP! So I can tell you your first task. Anyway, as you all can tell you've been taken to somewhere you don't know. Figure it out and find me for your next task, and all those taks cards or whatever. Go!

Dr.Doom: Doom won't stand for this. Doom is above this.

*Mr. Fantastic gets up and starts running*

Deadpool:Dr. Richards is winning...

Dr. Doom: DOOM SHALL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN! COME BILL!

Stapler's Ghost: Wait I have a question, everyone else has someone releated to the Fantastic Four. How come I got stuck with Ghost Rider?

Ghost Rider: Shouldn't I be asking why I got stuck with you? I have a freakin movie. You're the Martian Manhunter's archnemesis who's only been in a blog!

Deadpool: Hey! I'm the only one allowed to break the fourth wall. And you're with Ghost Rider there because he was with the Fantastic Four, along with Wolverine and some other 90s rejects.

Fantastic Mutant Competition

2007-02-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

So as I know all of you are inticpation to see what I have to counter that bald racist hating mutant's show. Well the show starts of in the remote location of New York, New York. I'll post the developments as the occur.

Here are the 8 teams:

-Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman
-Black Panther and Wesely Snipes(Storm will be JEALOUS)
-Dr. Doom and Bill Clinton
-Batman and H.E.R.B.I.E.
-Charlotte of Charlotte's Web and She-Hulk
-Eduardo and Galactus
-The Stapler's Ghost and Ghost Rider

Place your bets now on who will win and you'll get a very very special prize. Personally I wouldn't bet on the Richards clan.Also I'm not at liberty to reveal who the host is, but its someone very close to me(not that jerkwad Cable).

My goal with this show is to accomplish my dream of making this a better place for both humans and mutants to coexist. See my idea was to start a school for mutants before Xavier ripped me off. He's just pissed cause he's bald and I'm a natural beauty with a shaved head. Yeah. Fo' Sure!

Deadpool's Newest Show

2007-02-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Haven't posted since I have a real life unlike that mutie-hater Professor Xavier. After seeing the way his show The Amazing Mutant Race discriminates against mutants I've decided to start my own new reality show. The Fantastic Mutant Competition. It'll take the competitors to exotic locations like Mobile,Alabama and as far north as the dangerous land known as Vancouver! That'll teach that bald hater.

I KEEP IT REAL

2006-12-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

So my date with Wonder Woman awhile ago didn't go well. She was grossed out that I decided to describe how I killed Jim Morrison's zombies. She said it was inapporpriate dinner conversation. I didn't even know what that meant so I left. People don't understand and lots don't like my blog cause I don't sugarcoat nothin dawgs. I keep it real, ya heard? Any way I've been offered a job as part of the cast of TSG with Tracy Jordan. I'll still be answering letters though. WATCH MY SHOW FOO's. I KEEP IT REAL!

Ask Deadpool #4

2006-12-01T15:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have my date with Wonder Woman woohooooooooo!!!!!!!! But first I'll answer your questions. I'll delay the hot and cold blog discussion for the next post since we have so many letters:

You didn't answer my question, but here's another:
What attracted you most to Cable? Was it his golden eye?
Also why can't you support your own title, is it because you suck as a lead character?
-Mike Warner

1. I'm straight okay. Just because I had a dream about Cable once doesn't mean I'm attracted to him. But he does have a rugged chin.
2. Again this coming from a secondary character of a webcomic. Yeah and remind me why I should listen to you ever?

Also for the advice Coulumn My daughter is about to marry an Idiot who's the son of an idiot What would you do ? This should be good for a laugh at least .
The Prince

Neuter the son-in law. Then his stupidness can't infect your bloodline. That way she's bound to cheat so she can have a kid. I can give you George Clooney or Cable's numbers that way. I hear the ladies are attracted to older guys.

If you don't like that plan I suggest taking him on a camping trip to the moon and leave him with the inhumans. They'll kill for tresspassing likely.

Dear Deadpool,
My girlfriend's ex keeps hanging around,if I beat the little bald headed, half man/half car mutant freak into the ground. She might not like that. What to do?

Henchman 432

Assuming you're talking about Professor Xavier there are several ways to get him to stop. One push him down a flight of stairs. That probably won't stop him, but its funny. Two, you can easily blackmail him. That's how I became good friends with him. Its not hard to dig up dirt on him. And usually its something that will cause 90% of the X-men to shun him.

Another thing you could do is introduce him to someone else who's less hot than your girlfriend. Perhaps Martha Stewart, or hook him up with one of his exes like Lilandra(although she's kind of a vegtable now from what I hear) or Barbra Walters.

Finally we have a letter from everyone's favorite jerk that's a drunk Iron Man:

Ok Deadpool Here's a question. How do I deal with this annoying Merc at work?

I really shouldn't have to answer this. We all know your solution to everything is get drunk.

Laters True Skeptics!

Ask Deadpool #3

2006-11-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

The fatest growing advice column in the universe returns less than 24 hours since the last! Take that Dear Abby. I'm like Pizza hut to Abby's Little Ceaser's. Much better service. Anyway got a date this Friday. Oh yeah, the Wademyster has still got it. Let's start with the first letter from everyone's favorite bald man(after Brian Bendis):

Wade, there is a problem that I find rather distressing. It's all these people going on and on about global warming. It's making me feel very anxious. I wish people would stop talking about it. Can you help?
- Charles X.

Professor the answer is so simple you're going to be hitting yourself on the head.You mindwipe Al Gore's mind. If he's not talking about it no one will think about it or care. If that doesn't work take it one step further and enlist the help of Emma Frost and the other telepaths on your team for a massive mindwipe of the earth.

If you're really don't feel like doing that you could always move abroad to Oa or the Kree home planet. I know you're unwelcomed currently in Shi'ar space.

Next up we have a very scary person who'd likely do anything to piss everyone off:

Okay I'll play. Why do you suck?

-Mike Warner

You're mean. What are you even from? I mean everyone knows me, Ryan Reynolds even said he wanted to play me. Okay so Karl is telling me your from some webcomic called Shortpacked!. That's kind of cute I guess, if you're into titles that can't even get published from Antartic Press. Come back when you have a trade out.

Finally this comes from a mystery sender:

Dear Deadpool,

I currently made a big mistake by making out with an ex of mine. I was really drunk at the time, but he has a annoying messiah complex. It was never about us when we were together. It was always about "saving the world." Should I leave him again before things get too serious?

Sincerely,
Panda-Girl

This sounds oddly like one of my ex-best friends, who's a jerk. I say dump him, unless he's drinking. Just be gentle. And don't give him the standard its not you, its me bs. Be creative say that you've discovered you like girls and you met a hot chick named umm...let's say Barbra....Bush! And that the only reason you're with him is because he looks oddly like her. Now I have a hunch I know the person you're talking about, but I won't reveal his identity out of respect and to see if anyone can guess who he is!

Next time I give my opinion on who's blog is hot and who's is not. I'll also try to breka my record of answering three letters(that is if I get more).

Stay sharp True Skeptics!

Ask Deadpool #2

2006-11-25T13:35:00.000-07:00

Out letter today comes from a hot amazon with some problems with deadbeat men(Note I took the liberty to edit to fit our space and other reasons):

Dear Handsome Deadpool,

Ever since I murdered Max Lord to save Superman none of my teammates trust me. Batman refuses to acknowledge me as trustworthy and spends more and more time alone with his butler, worst of all Superman has even debunked me of being a superhero. To make things worse it turns out Max had planned the entire thing, for me to murder him and record it then broadcast it world wide. So now not only does the entire superhero community now see me as nothing but scum, but so does the public. The point of this is what do you think I should do?On a second note both Iron Man and Captain America have been showing farrrr to much interest in me. What do I do about them?
Love,
Wonder Woman.

First of all didin't you read Crisis? According to that he didn't plan on getting killed it was Carrot Top or something. And having worked with Carrot Top on my TV show he's really annoying and likely to do that to a hot babe, because frankly he's an asshole. Screw Superman his movie sucked. Screw Batman he hangs out with little kids in a cave. Screw Iron Man and Cap, they're both losers who can barely support their own comic book or blog. Plus Plus who do you think inspired Bats to get Robin? It was Cap with Bucky. Cap is also an outlaw and a commie terrorist who is trying to undermine the President. And Iron Man's a drunk, he constantly throws up inside his armor. That's why I refuse to team up with him.

This is what you do. You go out with me, that'll help your PR. In exchange for several dinners with me (at least 29) I kill Batman and Superman. Now you're the leader of the Justice League. Than I blackmail Cap and Stark. Next we hire my lawyer She-Hulk, who's great. She'll get you out of this mess. She'll either claim its self defense or a doctored video. If we manage to convince people its doctored I claim I actually killed Lord because he wouldn't register and was posing a threat to umm...Davenport, Iowa. Yeah that's good. Than we get hitched and live happily ever after then end.

Ask Deadpool #1

2006-11-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new letter column where I answer the reader's problems! To send in letters asking for my advice we'll have a service set up soon and so you can get it in under an alias. I know how much those anti-registration pinko terrorist "I'm with cap" heroes like to keep their identity secret. Anyway on to my first letter:

Dear Deadpool,
I have a crush on one of my teammates, but I do not think he notices my subtle hints at all. He seems more interested in a dead red-head then me/ He even doesn't notice that the person who I'm currently dating I can't have sex with and is only a farse. He also doesn't take notice of the fake French accent I put on. You see when I first met him I had some French imported cologne on and he mistook me for from being from Lousiana so I had to act like that. I really don't know how to get him to notice me.
Kisses,
Yearin' for Wolvie.

Well your first problem is that I can easily guess who you are. You're an idiot. Also just come out of the closet everyone knows you've been hankerin for Logan since you became a horseman of War just to say you had something in common with him other than being the same gender. And yes for those of you who hadn't guessed the writer is Gambit. He's a tosser. Join us next time . And any of you wishing to send your letters by snail mail adress them to Karl Rove 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington D.C.,U.S.A. He's my personal letterer screener.

THE FINALE OF THE 1,000,000 Dangerous Bald Cripples

2006-11-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

The Xavier who could walk jumped me from behind. I kicked him in the nads but he wasn't heart.

"I'm a lady!"

Man if that's true that was one ugly lady. I fought them all to the death until there was one left. Smurf Xavier.

"My smurf-men will be here soon. They'll smurf you with their smurf powers. SMURF SMURF SMURF!"

I charged at him screaming, " THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR PUTTING GARGNETO THROUGH ALL THAT MISEARY!"

He was able to start controlling my mind. Apparently this hadn't occured to the other Xaviers I had killed. He was making me strip. He claimed it was to get my weapons off me, but personally I think he's perv. Unfortuanetly for him I was close enough to gulp him down. You see I had wondered why Gargamel always wanted to eat a smurf. They actually taste like hair. Dog hair to be exact. I was very disappointed. I was expecting it to taste like sherbert ice cream.

With the alternate Xaviers gone I confronted Bruce Timm their creator (also creator the animated DC Universe). "TIMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! Why did you bring the other Xaviers to this universe?"

"What the hell are you talking about you psycho? You're crazy. I'm going away now."

And that's how I saved Prince Harry.

THE END

NEXT TIME: Deadpool starts a new feature by answering letters of his readers and offers helpful advice. As well as his opinion on topics ranging from how to break up with your girlfriend and smokers.

BRAND NEW BEGINNING!

2006-11-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

Okay so I've been gone for a month because I went on a drug binge and converted to Scientology. All Hail XENU!

For those who don't know I'm a merc and I have a mouth of sorts. Anyways one of my councilers at the Betty Ford clinic is Bruce Timm, animator of Batman the Animated Series and others. Anyway he's a creep. He stole my cocaine!!!!! What an arsehole.

I went to his office to get them back and I saw someone sitting in the shadows. So before they could get up I kicked them in the nads.

"I'm afraid that won't work Monsieur Deadpool."

From the shadows came my middle of the road student Professor Charles Xavier!

"Whats with the french accent Chuck?"

"Waz iz this accent yu tawlk aboot?"

"He's the French-Candaian version of me from the 666 universe. "

Another Professor X appeared out of the shadows! This one dressed in a pink skirt and scarf.

"I'm fabuolous Profesosr Xavier Wadesy. From earth 123. And I'd like you to meet some of my friends."

As he opened the closet door it was stuffed with various Xavier's. Yellow Xavier, Bunny Xavier, Xavier with Hair, Xavier with normal eyebrows, Xavier without teeth, Devil Xavier, Flavor Xavier, King Xavier, Puppet Xavier, and hundreds more! I was boned...

To be continued!

Repenting and Hollywood Return

2006-10-02T18:46:00.000-06:00

As of last post you can see that I am giving up being a mercenary(luckily for NBC several episodes of the show were taped in advance, although the series is not yet finished. I am not sure how they will handle my decision. We're still discussing it).

I have been offered a new Hollywood oppurtunity to help purify the human race by my new mentor Tyra Banks. The details are still being ironed out.

Also I am going to sell my swords and guns if anyone is interested. Although I ask you use them for non-violent purposes only.

For some reason I found my fridge full of honey. Which is odd because the moonintes and Eduardo have been staying on Providence for awhile. And I detest honey because it robs from our brother bees.

I am set to met with my lawyer tommorow Jennifer Walters to discuss repaying those I have wronged. So my children if I have wronged you please let me know through the comment box and I shall try my best to repent.

Finally I will have to break up with my Playmate girlfriend because she is a sinner.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I hope you found it extremely fascinating!

When I wake up Before I put on my make up...

2006-10-01T14:16:00.000-06:00

GAH! It was all a dream, apparently. I had just been watching my Veronica Mars DVDs. She isn't a real person according to Nate. The new season starts this week on the CW is super acessible to new viewers! Plus the Kristen Bell in 20 years will look like a Maude era Bea Arthur(rarrr!). Well the Seacrest thing did happen, but who cares about his boyfriend. Luckily Cable woke me right before I was going to be slayed by Bruce Timm's clones of Professor Xavier. This lead to a revelation. It is time to give up being Deadpool. I must change my life to a greater cause. What cause? Hell I don't know. But I must cleanse myself of the unholiness.

He's soft and cuddly...

2006-08-27T15:24:00.000-06:00

http://peterdavid.malibulist.com/archives/001443.html to check out where this originally came from. Anyway enough breaking the fourth wall losers.

I smelt honey and then I turned around and saw a rather fat, yellow bear.

"Who the heck are you?"

"My name is Doctor Pooh, and I am a time lord stranger." he replied.

"Okay so what time is it in Hawaii then?"

"Oh bother, I don't know."

"Then why do you call yourself a timelord?"

"Hmm I suppose I should know then."

Veronica started to get up...

"Oh hallo there!"

"Who are you?"

"He's Doctor Pooh, and he's a time lord that likes honey."

"Yes you're friend is right. I do love my honey! It costs me no money."

"Okay so where are we?"

"You are on Gallifluff."

"That's a stupid name for a planet. You should rename it ChuckNorrision. Comeon Veronica let's go find a way back to Earth."

"I'm so dreaming this...this isn't real."

"I can help you Mr. I'm afraid I don't know your name stranger."

"Deadpool, Doctor, call me Deadpool."

The Doctor showed us in the next room a blue box. He called it the TARDIS.

"Before we go maybe we should have a snack, perhaps some honey?"

Hell Yeah Boy!

MEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-24T17:58:00.000-06:00

Because I have had my beautiful writing with deep metaphors questioned by certain bald people and certain Green people I'm doing a meme. I wasn't even going to post again until Friday.

1. Why have you angered Deadpool? I have not, because I cannot anger myself. Unless I eat to much because I'm depressed.

2.If you're a shape changing martian why do you stay in the form of a blad green ugly dude? Because he's a meanie

3. What other secrets do you think Professor Xavier has? He has another kid...with Lance Bass.

Oh I can't even finish this...*goes off and cries in corner*

2006-08-19T15:26:00.000-06:00

Because Henchmen was lame and memed me we're interupting our current adventure.

1. Grab the nearest book.

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the text of it and the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions

5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest

6. Tag three people

The nearest book is my autobiography"Deadpool: Lives of a real Player". It only has 78.45 pages. So I'll just open it up randomly. It reads, "I quickly pushed Paris away, his tongue tasted like stale milk. I wanted to stab the dude right there. No one puts pooly in the corner. No one."

I choose to Tag: J'onn, Gaia, Sinister

Going Down South

2006-08-18T18:44:00.000-06:00

So Veronica and I finally reached the super secret headquarters of the Ku Klux Klan in Compton. Basically the reason why I'm their enemy is because you see they hired me to kill an African American dude(except he wasn't American, so I guess he's what? African African?). Anyway, I thought they were ghosts and were looking for new friends. So I thought to myself, if I raise his ghost from the dead myself I'll get a major bonus.

Veronica kept on telling me to take off my black power medallion, but I told her I'm not going to deny my heritage. Anyway we watched their mysterious cermony:

"Brothers and Bruthas, we're here today to mark the start of a new turning in the history of man!" said ghosty 1. "Start the prayers brother Jackson!"

"Tanerle heraeroa ellajrea neawrelatreotn eateron wontaerad paorneroe oratanla randttle talrtner ltnere wkerneor inteore lanter lnster oatpern now!" said who I assume is brother Jackson!

Anyway I decided I needed to end this jibber jabber and jumped him. Veronica was yelling something I couldn't make it out but I think it was something like, "Oh Wade you're so beautiful do be every so careful. I love you."

I pulled off their masks and I was shocked at what I saw..."Luke Cage, Jesse Jackson, Bishop, Charlie Murphy,Black Panther and Sean Conery? WTF?"

"WTF? What the fuck does W-T-F you freakin idiot, you don't realize what you just did, you dumbass mother--" before the ever so colorful Mr. Cage could finish a white light flashed.

I woke up several hours later Veronica was knocked out beside me. All I could smell was honey...

FINALLY THERE

2006-08-05T12:32:00.000-06:00

After hitchhiking and some how ending up in Luxemburg I finally made my way to Neptune, California. I needed to know who wanted to capture me, who would want to hurt me both emotionally and other ways?

I went to the best detective I had never heard of...Keith Mars! I walked into his office to find a hot blond babe sitting at the front desk.

"Well hello there, you wouldn't happen to be Keith Mars?" I asked

"No", she replied. "I'm Veronica, his daughter."

"Well, maybe after your daddy solves my case we can get our freak on, if you catch my drift."

Suddenly I was slammed into the ground by a balding man.

"Hey I know you, you're the dude from Just Shoot Me. Not David Spade, the other guy."

"What the hell are talking about you nut, I'm Keith Mars and you're going to get out of my office and you're going to stay away from my daughter. Because if I ever see you near her again I will personally make sure you can never stand up and pee again."

"Dad wait! I think he wants to hire you," said Veronica.

"Yes I know that honey, I got word that he wanted to hire me about a month ago. If the red pajammas didn't tell you, this guy is a psycopath. Something we could use a little less of in our life. I've made sure he hasn't been able to get to Neptune this long, because I don't want to be anywhere near him."

And just like that I was thrown out of the office. I then went into some random hotel and smoked someone else's cancer sticks (y'know since I have healing powers and stuff).

"Don't move."

I turned around to see who it was. Just some loser punk kid. Looked kind of familar.

"I said don't move, you see I have this thing called a gun and if you move I'm going to shoot you."

"Meh (I said while shrugging) go for it."

He shot me, he shot my head. What a jerk!

"OUCH! JERKWAD WHY DIDYA HAVE TO DO THAT?"

"How the hell are you alive? I just shot you in the head."

"Wait I recoginize you. Your Logan Echollis, the kid of that movie star."

"Yes unfortunaetly that's me."

"Sweet, wanna go pick up some chicks?"

"First off no, you lunatic, I want you out of my room. And second I have a girlfriend."

Suddenly the hot blonde chick walked into the room.

"Logan, what's going on here? What's he doing here?"

"You know him Veronica?"

"He's a mercenary, he wanted to hire my dad. His name is Wade Wilson."

"Actually I prefer to be called Deadpool, because I'm proud of my mutant heritage."

"Shut Up." The two said.

So we finally came to an agreement. I'd leave Neptune in exchange Veronica would help me find out who wanted to kill me. ROAD TRIP! With a hot blonde! This is a dream come true(well almost if only Bea..sigh)
She asked me,"Do you have any enemies?"

"The KKK, KFC, Lamb Chops, Kang, Ricky Bobby, The Hoff, the Black Swan, that wuss J'onn who complains about me not posting, K-Fed, Alien Jewish Elvis, Agent X, The Govenator, MADD, Jose Canseco, Piglett, Lex Luthor, DC Comics, Wolverines, The UN, Voldemort, Bruce Timm, Alex Ross, The B.A.D. Girls..."

"Okay that's enough for now. Why don't we start at the begining. Why does the KKK hate you? "

To be continued...

Private Eyes Watching You

2006-06-22T22:07:00.000-06:00

Previously:Read one post below.

Anyway I wondered around the apartment searching to clues as to what happened to the gang. Than I saw that someone stood outside of the door.

"What the hell are you doing Wade?"

It was CABLE! Nate was okay. I ran and gave him the same hug Magic gave Kareem after his first game.

"Yay you're okay!"

"Wade, what the heck are you doing in Ryan Seacrest's apartment?"

"I'm not in his apartment I'm in mine."

"No, you're in Ryan Seacrest's apartment. You're apartment is next door. I was apartment sitting for you. You left me there to watch the mooninites and Eduardo."

"Possibly."

"Not possibly, that's what happened. You wanted to make sure Eduardo didn't miss any days of the school you enrolled him in. Which I pulled him out of. I don't know why you enrolled him in Jefferson High for troubled Teens! He was nearly killed there!"

"Hey I'm not shelling out the money to put him in any fancy schools. Plus how else will he take be my heir?"

"WADE HE'S NOT RELEATED TO YOU. First thing tommorow I'm taking him to Westchester and going to ask Dad if he can stay there for a little while."(check out more info on this at Cable's blog tommrow!)

"Whatever dude. Can you read this note?"

Cable read it. Apparently is goes like this:

Dear Deadpool,

If you ever want to see your boyfriend again. You will meet me at the Statue of Liberty.

Sincerely yours,
Kidnapper

I wondered what it could mean. My mail order private eye degree wouldn't do me any good now. I needed a real detective.

I'm off to Neptune, California

Welcome Back

2006-06-21T09:49:00.000-06:00

I had just returned from my apartment after I sadly had to leave the Last Gladiator Standing. I knew no one really wanted me gone from there. Sure me and my sidekicks took "pictures" of contestants/host/judges that we could "blackmail" them with if they didn't give us what "we" wanted. But it was my time to go and yeah maybe I also broke the bathroom over there and Err and Iggy(that's his new nickname I'm calling him[not in front of his face though]) used to slap people on the butt. Oh yeah the tv exectuives are talking about reviving one of my shows! They want me back baby! and this time on network tv(its not upn!) !

Anyway I came home to my apartment expecting a warm welcome from Ed and Cable. But I found everything was gone! My apartment was ransacked the walls had holes in them. Nothing was left in the fridge. I was awe strucked and I found this note:

I don't speak/read/write chicken hilly billy talk. Can anyone translate this? who's it from? Any ideas

Celebreality

2006-06-16T17:10:00.000-06:00

We have already become one of the most popular people in the blogging industry.

Two people posted about us!

And how we are superior to them. Stupid homo sapiens and homo sayians they are useless like the french instructions you get with how to install your computer. Anyway back to our popularity. We are so popular that Vh1 has offered us a chance to create our show for their celebreality.

What?! Let's do it dude!

Shut up Err, you shall ruin our bargining chips. Today we shaved the purple man known as Eduardo.

We used his hair to make an imaginary rug. Ha-ha! Get it?

Yes Err. Anyway that is all for now.

Attack from Above

2006-06-14T17:51:00.000-06:00

We are the mooninites. My name is Ignignokt, I'm the overlord of the moon. This is Err.
YO!
Quite Err, now the foolish mortal bald man known as no-can-walk....
Professor Charles Xavier!
...Err...Has tagged the hero of this blog with a meme that he had started in the first place. Deadpool has refused to answer it again. So we will and conquer the earth with it. For we are the Mooninites. And My name is Ignignokt.
Dude, I think you already said that.
I know that Err, I was just trying to emphasize my point. Moving on, we came in contact with Deadpool over at the Last Gladiator Standing contest. The Challenge required getting a sidekick, and we answered his call.
And now on with the show.
1. Other than yourself pick the contestant that remains in Last Gladiator Standing you think will win? No one will win the Last Gladiator Standing. Especially since they'll all be dead.
Damn straight!
2. What's your favorite color of Pink? Whatever kind of pink is the color of panties! Oh yeah.
Err has this answer right, but he should have used a sexual innuendo.
In your endo.
3. What's your favorite episode of Golden Girls
The one were they didn't talk about senior citizens having sex. Oh wait that never happened.
Booyah!
4. If you were Anna Nicole Smith, what would you do with your child? We would sell it for booze money. Just like all babies are on the moon.
Yeah man, get drunk off our asses!
5. How many figures am I holding up? We will destroy all your figures.
Make sure you get the one of MasterShake Err.
3. Decipher this code: *66hsther;o adthaodf stop
Suck on this!
Oh yeah, you like that huh?
7. What's wrong with this Meme? It is gay like skittles.
I know I aint' gonna be tasting no rainbow.
8. Create your own question and answer it. Is Earth weak? Yes
Will we be stealing all of Xavier's dirty magizines? You bet.
9. What's your wrestler name? On the moon we do not have Wrestling. We have the most ultimate fighting contest.
It is called The Ultimate Fighting Contest.
10. Do you have a man crush on Luke Cage? No, because we are not gay like skittles and this meme.
Homophobia, Oh yeah!
Shut up Err, you are not the Kool-Aid Dude.
Man I wish we had some Kool-Aid.
Indeed.
12. Are you the weakest link? Why are you quoting an out-of-fashion pop culture show?
We are strong because of the Wolfen our god!
13. Are you prepared for the Dalek invasion over here?
Yes we are prepared for some gay salt-sakers.
Man I wouldn't say that, they could disingerate us.
Not if we blast them first.
14. Switch lives with one blogger for a year? Who would it be. Emma Frost.
I'd be here frosting.
15. Who has the best sidekick in LGS? Deadpool is kind of dumb man. Erifia
Man what I wouldn't give to be her sidekick.
16. If you watched the season finale of Doctor Who, what did you think? Doctor Who is a stupid name.
Why watch other channels when there is the Spice channel!
17. Do you know who Lookwell! is? Yes Lookwell is Chrasima Carpanter in a bikini.
Man she does lookwell.
18. Tag 3 people you wouldn't share socks with(except Deadpool)
We will get the Professor back for his insolence.
He shall wish he was in his mother's womb and hadn't killed his ugo sister twin.
You amuse me Err. But we shall not get him back. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday shall spell his doom.
In the mean time we shall tag others and scare the big purple guy. And get him high!
We have decided to tag the Intergalactic Gladiator Jon(who can't defeat the mooninites), Iceman(he shall make our beers cold) ,and the golden wuss with a capital P, Elixir.
Man that's a little harsh don't you think?
Well I'd be nicer if he wasn't surrouned by hot chicks all day long.
And we aren't talking birds man!
Let us go to the moon!

I wear my Sunglasses at night...

2006-06-06T13:20:00.000-06:00

So I started my first case to find Eduardo's home. But I realized I knows little to investigate. So I thought who deals with lots of wacky mysteries and is a big crybaby like Eduardo? The only man who could help me with this was Cyclops, aka Mr. Scott Summers. I mean he's traveled around, been a man whore, and above all else is a big crybaby.

So I rushed over the mansion and got him to help me. If he didn't I told him I'd show Emma the video I had of him getting freaky with Gambit(I don't have one but he bought it).

Anyway I really don't remeber what happened. Scott was annoying. He cried a little and said the Professor doesn't respect him. I egged Agent X's super cool carniavle.

Anyway here's a MEME:

1. Other than yourself pick the contestant that remains in Last Gladiator Standing you think will win?
Gyrobo(that's why I'm going to vote him off)
2. What's your favorite color of Pink?
hot
3. What's your favorite episode of Golden Girls?
The one where Dorthy pretends she's still married to her ex-husband.
4. If you were Anna Nicole Smith, what would you do with your child?
Eat it.
5. How many figures am I holding up?
~~~~
3. Decipher this code: *66hsther;o adthaodf stop
I'm not answering that one.
7. What's wrong with this Meme?
I'm not answering that one either.
8. Create your own question and answer it.
What is Alex Trebeck? A mutant.
9. What's your wrestler name?
Deadpoolicus ReXman
10. Do you have a man crush on Luke Cage?
No, mine's on the Hoff.
12. Are you the weakest link?
13. Are you prepared for the Dalek invasion over here?
of course.
14. Switch lives with one blogger for a year? Who would it be.
Cable
15. Who has the best sidekick in LGS?
Me of course.
16. If you watched the season finale of Doctor Who, what did you think?
Was good but the end not happiest even though I knew it'd happen.
17. Do you know who Lookwell! is?
18. Tag 3 people you wouldn't share socks with(except Deadpool)
Professor X, , Henchmen, and let's say Magdalena

Hola

2006-06-01T18:13:00.000-06:00

Hola.

My name is Eduardo. I am an imaginary friend. I like Potatoes, mashed potatoes, fired potatoes, really any kind of Potatoes. I no like scary things. They muy scary. I somehow end up with Signor Deadpool. He is muy scarry, I no like his scary swords. He say I can stay with him until I can find my home. Which is Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.

I have very good friends at Foster's. Wilt is grande like a tree he very nice. My friend Azure also very nice, he called Bloo. He's creator called Mac, he nice to, but not grande. Cucoo is funny she's an aeroplane/plant/bird. She very locco.

I try not to get into Signor Deadpool's stuff he has many things I should not see. I am too young. So I cover my eyes. Signor Cable is also very nice, not as scary as Signor Deadpool, but still muy scary. He has big guns. Signor Deadpool say he going to enroll me in school soon if he cannot find me home. He say it for gifted people like me who is different. I hope other stundents are non-scary.

Dude where's my bike?

2006-05-29T16:28:00.000-06:00

So apparently my whole tv career was for a season of Punk'd. Damn you KUTCHER! So I shall not post the transcript instead I shall start my own detective agencey! My first client? ME! Anyone else looking to contact me can do so to take on the case and I shall discuss my wage(usually two bags of cheetos and a soda pop).

Anyway on to random thoughts of the day:
-To those of you following Last Gladiator Standing you found that I was transported before a scary purple hair thing right before the second motorcycle challenge. Turns out he's imaginary. So you know I asked does that mean I'm high again? So he's like no signor. So than I'm like how do I get back to my universe. He's like I don't know. Cable was pissed off and teleported us back. Somehow he ended up with his. His name is Edurado. He'll be staying with us until we can find him his home again. He'll post sometime introduce him stuff an all that jazz.

-So I've been following Prof.X's blog and was a little dismayed(oh big word!) that he's not doing hte majorty of his posts. Now its that whore who left me, Storm and this weird Kid. Ah well.

-As for why I hired myself someone must of sabtoged me to teleport me to Eduardo's universe. Anyhow I'm off to the third dimension! Tallyho!

-Wade Elizbeth Wilson IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIV

DEADPOOL-The TV Show cancelled

2006-04-23T17:10:00.000-06:00

Many of you are likely wondering why I haven't been around lately, while as I know most of you have heard my teleivision show on Bravo has been cancelled. But reruns of the first 10 episodes (4 previously unaired!) and the pilot will be played on Spice Channel at 3 pm. Apparently pervs work during those hours. The hope is to get my show back on the air with high ratings. It will also be on DVD on April 28th, 2026. For those of you who can't wait to do something for 20 years, you can go to the Civil War chat session on AVengers Forever.org on April 28th at 3:30 est! Someone I know will be there!

Instead because Bravo owes me a 50 million deal, its sexually confused to a lesser extent channel NBC and my Pulitzer Prize like reporting I have been given a talk show. Think of it as Meet the Press Meets the Tonight show-meets Oprah. I'm currently trying to find a sidekick. I'll post transcripts on here till then. First show is about celebrity whores! My guests will be Paris Hilton, Jenna Jameson, Barbra Bush, and man-whore extrodinare Aston Kucker. I tried getting Tom Cruise but apparently his church of Scientology wants him to watch over his baby and make sure Katie Holmes doesn't try to leave.

'nuff said true beleivers.

HEADLINE: Deadpool becomes journalist!

2006-03-27T21:38:00.000-07:00

Well after long negotiations, I am proud to announce that I am now working for the gossip section of the Daily Bugle. I'm calling my column, "Stripping Heroes and Freaks." My first column will focus on the subject of cowardly heroes such as Spiderman, which I theroize is Private Hudson, because they are both cowards. Yes, I know you are all thinking, "but Deadpool you've seen Spiderman without a mask and his hawt aunt." Well I don't tell what some would consider convetionally true. I tell what is needed to be tell, to protect children and sexy ladies.
Alright.

Next blog report should be about my next episode(though I don't know when I shall post next, sometime this week likely). In this episode a character dies(hint: its his first appearance too!)

So far my experience with J. Jonah Jameson has been a delight, he's like the weird uncle I never had. He always tells me, "Wilson you freak put some pants on, you have a story to write, and I don't care were you get it as long as I don't see you again. And stay And have you seen that Jessica Jones, sure I hear she gets around and getting married to that Luke Cage loser, and she may not have as many wrinkles as I usually like, but damn baby got back! I have a young strapping lad as my photographer, but he's an ex con. I think I may give him a job as my assistant.

So Long,

Mr. Wade Wilson Senior I Esquire.

Private Hudson, a coward?

2006-03-26T22:12:00.000-07:00

So I am finally doing that traitor Private Hudson's dumb pooh pooh tag. Hehe pooh.

Favorite Chocolate (Dark, White, Milk): The only chocolate the ladies like is me, so I'll go with me.
Favorite Pizza Toppings: Bea Arthur
Favorite Food Question (It's obligatory that every quiz ask this): What would you eat first, your hand or cottage cheese?(so I played with the wording, fools)
Favorite Cheese Type: Cheese is for pinko commies
Favorite "Pirate" Word or Phrase: Argh, when I was a little boy
Favorite Music Genre: Does Michael Bolton count as a genre?
Favorite Music Artist: I listen to my self sing 24/8
What are you listening to now?: Rickey Martin
Favorite Movie Genre: Musicals
Favorite Movie: You Got Served 5: The Dance against Canada
Favorite TV show: Golden Girls...wait no...Maude
Favorite Console Game: Deadpool and the the fight for Kangroo Jack
Favorite Computer Game: see above
Favorite Board Game: Strip poker?
Ever play Dungeons and Dragons?: No, dices should have no more or less than six sides
Can I have a Mountain Dew?: Seria Mist is better loser
Believe in some sort of higher power?: Yes, that is me your refering to.
How many of these quizzes have you ever taken, email or blogs, in your net-surfing career?: That Hudson didn't even use proper grammers when he answered this question here, so I refused.
On a scale of banana to zebra, banana being "pink polka-dotted slippers" and zebra being "WTF?", how surreal would a guy taking a shower in a tub full of brightly coloured wrenches and monochromatic cat toys be?: The only correct answer to that question is Jerry Springer, if you don't say that you are a whore.
Have any pets?:Do humans count?
If yes on 20, what is the silliest thing you have seen them do?: Umm...I can't answer that without having the feds come to my house.
You think Karnov should have ended this quiz 20 questions ago?: Who is Karnov, he sounds like a commie
Ever Play 20 Questions?: No, I played the name place animal thing game. It was fun.
Think I get bored on my lunch breaks?: No sir.
Who would win in a fight between Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and that giant robot from that one goofy Beastie Boys Video?: The whales
Could you conceivably use a Terrabyte Harddisk?: I don't even know what that is and refuse to dignify that with an answer.
HAH! HAH! I ACTUALLY HAVE A 28th QUESTION!!1! (Unfortunately it is more of a statement): Hudson said he had a gun, the ladies love my guns. SNap!
Paper or Plastic?: Plastic. Don't want to have any kids out of wedlock...Wait you mean groceries, I prefer my manservant Rocko to carry my products.
(Pick 1-5)?: Professor X, Taskmaster, and lets say, umm...Vampi, wait no she's out, Vegeta!

HONEY I'M HOME

2006-03-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay I've been battling the flu, and that dirty scoundrel fights dirty. This post isn't about my show, maybe next post if your all lucky, I mean really be glad I don't have this thing written by a ghost(NOTE to self: look into to see if ghots can type). First off Kudos goes to Gaia, you shall have this in return:
Which reminds me at some point I'll have to make those egg peoples. Hudson's on the list because he's a coward who wants to cut and run. Well if he wants the bears to win than so be it. Oh yeah and I left out the c, cause I its the American way.
Speaking of ghost writers, the dude who types this for me will probably update his blog today or later. As many of you know the tiltes of my posts have deep meaning with symbolism and all that crap in 'em. Today's symbolizes me standing out in front of my beloved Bea's house for the last few days. But something mysterious happened I saw a baby driving a car outside of it. Don't know what i means, but I'll find out. The French probably have something to do with it. Anyway I'm off.

Your Love,
Deadpool XoXoX

EDIT: The typist foregot his username and password. will let you know when the issue is resolved and he updates his blog.

Episode 3: The Lioness, The Whore, and Wardrobe

2006-03-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

Okay so here's the summary of episode three which was written by my good friend the ghost of John Steinbeck. We wanted to change Whore to something a little more vulgar, but you know how the FCC works. Check my entry on January 29th in case you foregot what happened last episode.

The episode begins where we last left off as Kobe Bryant bullets race towards me. I quickly use Carrot Top as a human sheild. He dies and my arms and I throw him at Kobes car, but the Black Mamba magically vanishes.

The next scene goes to Professor X's character Cheif Crumbs blackmailing his briber Bob Saget. Crumbs says that he'll arrest him if he doesn't raise the bribes another grand. So Bob Saget puts a gun to his forehead and brings out his secret weapon, Gary Coleman and Emanuel Davis to threaten. After putting Crumbs in a state of shock and crying like a girl in the corner he agrees to help them with their mysterious plan.

Back to me heading back to my apartment where Paul (Northstar) informs me of how difficult my daughter is being(played by Gaia). My precious little Mango greets me by saying she needs femine products, so I tell her to go with her Aunt Paul and get it. Damn I'm a man's man, I don't go get female products. The episode ends with Paul and Mango going to the store to pick up her stuffs. There she encounters Cheif Crumbs who eyes her oddly. In between these scenes it cuts back to me finding a note warning me Mango is in grave danger. But before I can act I'm taken out by a new player, SUPER BOY PRIME!

Guess Who's Back, Back Again...

2006-03-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

Okay quick post, I'll try to update the blog at least once a week, but no promises. You'll atleast get some episode summaries from my show. Sorry for not being around everyone, but you know how busy the Holly Wood life can be. Also I hear wedding bells? And on episode three of Deadpool someone dies! Stay tunned folks.

-Cordialy,
Martha Wilson(aka Deadpool, aka Wade Wilson, aka the merc with a mouth)

Tag you back suckas!

2006-02-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah so all them peoples been tagging me, so I figure its time for some payback, so here's my tag questioning thingy merbob:

If you were to ghost write Deadpool's autobiography, what would you name it?
If Simon Cowell were to ask you to help takeover France with Deadpool and himself, would you accept?
On a scale of 50-100, with 50 being mind blowing and 100 being drooling the Nile river, how would you rate Bea Arthur?
If you were to appear on Deadpool's show, who would you play?
List 5 ways to improve tacos.
Would you die for Deadpool?
Do you find Cable's eyes dreamy?
Tag more 1 tmore person than the person who tagged you meaning if person A tags 4 people, you tag 5 and the people you tag, have to tag 6.
People tagged:
Jon, the intergalactic Gladiator
Professor Xavier
Gaia

Did I ever tell you that your my hero?

2006-02-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

Okay singoras so I haven't been around for awhile, so I'll start off with explaining what happened with Cable.

So I followed him to the docks off the coast of Rhode Island. I saw him going into a "resturant" named Al's which sounded like a terrorist hot spot to me. Anyway, I confronted him!

Cable was obviously alaramed,"What the hell are you doing here Wade?"

Me, "I know whats going on here Cable, I mean I know you well enough that you aren't you. You're really Katie Couric in disguise."

Cable, "*Sighs* and how did you figure that out?"

Deadpool, "Simple, when you were abducted by Sentinels and the Brood I knew only one person could be responsible for this. After the premire of my show I gained a new enemy with Katie, because my ratings did better than her infomercial for the Bo-Flex. Plus after that post you made on my blog, and your odd behavior with Gaia."

Cable,"Hold on, you made that post, I didn't. You kept bugging me because I hadn't been posting, and you said you'd post for me. So I said fine, I don't really care as long as you don't post any stupid bs like you usually do."

Deadpool,"I'll show you stupid bull shit! Bodyslide!" So with that I teleported us to Chip and Dales strip bar in New York.

Cable,"Why on earth did you transport us to a male strip club!?! I just went all the way to Rhode Island so I could get a decent hero sandwitch. Wait I know what this is about, you're jealous that I'm going out on dates ,aren't you?"

Deadpool, "Maybe. But I refuse to let the caste I fall into keep me down."

Cable, "What the hell? Wade we aren't even at all on the same wave length. Look we used be close friends, like brothers that could finish each other's..."

Me, "Sandwitches?"

Cable,"No sentences, I think its time you pack your things and ...."

Before he could finish, I panicked and started to sing the 2 hour rendition of, "Did I ever tell you that your my Hero? When I look up I see your face..."

He eventually left before he could finish. I've been avoiding him ever since, and that is why I have not been around.

Leave Me Breathless

2006-02-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update, last night I saw something fishy going on with Cable, saw him going out so I decided to follow him. And after seeing his blog entry I do not regret it. Something very odd is going on. Can't say where I am, but I'll keep everyone updated.

And will someone please go to my apartment and tape the View, for m--my friend, I mean Cable, he watches it all the time.

I think it might be Skrull impersonating him, or even worse!

Hello from Cable

2006-02-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow humans/mutants. It is I Cable, here back once again. I have noticed that I have not posted here in awhile, and thought I would do so. Just to say I. As you could read on blogs of mutant Xavier and lifeform Gaia, I was captured by a robotic entity. Everything is fine now. Thank you for your time. It is from your friend from the future Cable.

BOOM SHAKALAKA

2006-02-05T16:48:00.000-07:00

Because that jerkwad Magento tagged me I won't be answering anymore questions. Also something doesn't sit right with me about Cable's return. Also if you look at Magento's original post he misnumbered, loser!

1. List 5 things about which you are optomistic.
-The Future of Tacos
-The great adminstartaion that is Dubya
-My paychecks
-My chances of killing Agent X

2. If you were trying out for American Idol, what would Simon say about you?
My, you have dreamy eyes Mr. Deadpool. Will you help me takeover France?

3. What are the 3 most important qualities you look for in a boy/girl?
-Not having boy parts
-No girls who shave their head, they creep me out.
-Not a manly voice

4. If you were to conquer the world, what is the first thing you would do?
Make Antartica the captial, and then turn France into a jail.

5. I think Magneto is __________ .
someone who can't count, so I refuse to tag anyone else.

21 Questions Part 1

2006-01-31T17:34:00.000-07:00

I am emailed many questions so I have decided to answer them all here, truthfully, no holding back so here we go!

1. Q: How many times a week does Cable shower?

A: Umm..I don't know. Lets say 15. That sounds like a good answer.

2.Q: What's this obession with Bea Arthur?

A: Can you not see her cheescake factor? I mean its pretty obvious.

3. Q:Does Professor X have a British accent or is it one of those fake Fraiser ones?

A: Little known fact, I'm deaf I communicate by reading lips.

4. Q:Could you beat up the cast of Dancing with the stars?

A: Most def. yo though I would have trouble with J. Peterman and Jerry Rice.

5. Q:Have you heard from any of your enemies from the past recently?

A: Nope :D That's why Wade the man.

6. Q:Do you think Cable and Gaia have a chance of having something serious?

A: Beast me, don't care. Though I got a call from Cable asking for "back up" he needed help with sentinels. So I responded, "Woah Deadpool's no perv. Plus I have a name to maintain." then he's like, "No Wade you idiot I mean real live mutant hunting robots I've only seen the foot, but I'm pretty sure its them." So I'm like, "No your mean you called me an idiot. Plus I'm not a mutant dumby."

7. Q:Which cast member of your show has the most potential?

A: Me. I'm the best at what I dos. And what I do aint nice. I'm the greatest thing to ever be set on this earth. Though if I had to say someone else I'd say Black Mumba has the most undeveloped potential by miles by kilometers.

That ends part 1 of three. Hope that clears somethings up.

Yeah, I don't have a clever title

2006-01-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

This is one quick post of random thoughts:
-I really want tacos now. Taco pie would even do.
-Though it is popular beleif that I personally type this I hired a guy after my accident during the Mutant Race 2. He insisted I post a link to his blog. So http://ohyeoflittlefaith.blogspot.com/ . Not as personal as mine, but whatever. That should get him to shut up about getting his pay check.
-Apparently the dude who played Van Wilder wants to play me in a live action movie.
-TACO Pie.
-I need to create one of those tagg things.
-Why doesn't playboy do an all Bea Arthur issue?

-Wade out son!

Ask and though Shall RECEIVE

2006-01-29T16:05:00.000-07:00

So I saw that Professor Xavier requested I post more about my show once more. So after talking to the executive producer of my show Sly Stone he told me I could talk about the first new episode of the reboot, which airs at 3 am Central on Bravo! Okay so in the first episode starts off with my ex-wife played by Sarah Michele Gellar getting crushed by a giant safe. So with her gone I now have to take care of my daugther, Mango(played by Gaia). Once I find this out I ask my friend Paul(played by Northstar) to move in with me who's broken up with his boyfriend Ashely (played by Carson) cause I don't have time for her. I get a call from Police Cheif Crumbs( Xavier) to get extra man power on a case to take down mobster Tony Italian. Now there has been some controversy here. So there might be a sterotype of the mobster, but who cares he's a mobster?

The Mobster is played by Bob Saget of the Full House ilk. I "stole" his cell and got the "phone numbers" of the Olson twins. Man I would so tottally date both of them. And by "stole" I mean take with out asking, and "phone numbers" I mean digits used to dial their phone. So anyway we lear that Cheif Crumbs is taking bribes from the mob, and Bob Saget is apart of an enemy gang. Though they hand him a brief case, the viewers don't know what it is. As he opens he says, "Woah" though we replaced his voice with Keanu Reeves, for dramatic effect.

The episode ends with me arguing with Mango, and Paul goes to comfort her. I then go next door telling my neighbor Carrot Top to stop calling me to use CALL ATT. Right then my appartment is shot up by special guest star Kobe Bryant, who plays a gansta, named Black Mumba, he yells, "81 SUCKA! Yea, boy I don't need no Shaq Diseal. The episode ends on a cliffhanger with the bullets heading toward me and Carrot top.

Curse you Hudson!

2006-01-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

So Hudson tagged me with this:

Its a so called Mural, and following his suit:
History
1. ben.run
2. Vampirella
3. Private Hudson
4.Deadpool

So if I go on and tag you save the image above in PNG format and then add your own image, that if you can takes up no more thant 10% of the area. So who shall I tag? Xavier, Gaia, Jon, no I shall tag the one known as Yoda! And also check out the X-Men Name Game for loads of fun! Cable is going to make an appearance sometime this weekend, because he got tagged by due personi. Hehe, I had a dirty thought but I won't ruin your virgin minds.

2006-01-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

Four Jobs You've Had
Actor
Mercenery
Professional Hobbo
Brain Surgeon

Places You Have Lived
New York, New York
Intercourse, Pennsylvaina
Houston, Genosha
Toronto, Canada

TV Shows You Love To Watch
Arrested Development
Lost
Scrubs
Daily Show
and My show
Four Place You've Been on Vacation
The Moon
Las Vegas
Brazil
London

Four (or so) Blogs You Visit Daily
Professor Xavier's Blog
Emma Frost's Blog
Northstar's Blog
Phoenix's Blog
Selene's Blog
Taskmaster Inc.
Gaia's Universal Amalgamator
Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator

Four of Your Favorite Foods
Tacos
Shrimpicken
Freedom Fries
Popcorn
Four Places You'd Rather Be
Weirdly similar to Gaia's
Curled up in bed with Bea Arthru
Showing photos of me in Marvel Girl's dress to Beast
lying on a sofa watching tv with Cable(wait what?)
Watching Jean go bat s*** crazy and destroying worlds

Four Albums You Can't Live Without
John Legend-Get Lifted
Kanye West-College Dropout
Bea Arthur "A night out on the town"
All of Shatner's

Vehicles You've OwnedOwned
The Spidermobile
The General Lee
A box
Another box

Four People to be Tagged
Taskmaster
Cable
Beast
Son Goku

Auditions! Auditons!

2006-01-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

Okay so as earlier reported Cable is joining the X-Men. His team allegedly composes Cannonball, Iceman, Rogue or Rouge however you spell it,Mystique and Sabretooth. I mean that's like the stupidest team I've heard. Iceman and Sabretooth are two of your big hitters you got problems. Anyway he says he's joining the team because he's lonely now that he's got no one in his life(missing She-Hulk). Though I'm not supposed to say anything. Ah what the hell, the so called mutant messiah is a wuss.

Anyway my auditions for teams started today. But first revealing the final roles for my show. Vegta tried out for the Don's role. I told him he's more suited for the tap dancer, cause no one can take him seriously with that hair. So he got mad and walked out. So the Crimelord was cast as the guy who played Theo on The Cosby Show, his stooge tapdancing goon will be played by James Masters (you know him as spike on Buffy).

Finally we have Gaia who barely beat Lindsey Lohan as playing my daughter. I told that Lohan chick, no I'm not taking any druggies on this show. Otherwise the FCC will be all over me. We also casted Carrot Top as my annoying neighbor, who shall be killed off by episode 3.

Back to my team I talked to the Champions. So far the only ones that have a chance of making it are the ladies of the team-Black Widow and Tigra, Archangel(he's rich, and I like money), and Ghost Rider to boost sales. Though I might just form my own X-team. Maybe the Deadpool's Xcellent X-Men.

Whose side are you on?

2006-01-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

With the recent announcement that Cable will be joining an X-Men team with Cannonball, and some other nobodies like Iceman I have decided it might be time I join a team too. Plus it'll get lonely all by myself. That's why I'm incorparting it as a part of my show. Who knows, Fantastic Four, Avengers, Brotherhood of Evil Mutants(cause I keep it real, suckas), or another team possibly? So expect that soon. Though I still have yet to figure out what Federline said about the Brotherhood, my guess is that he's leading his own faction with Toad, Blob, and probably some loser like Unus-if you change the first letter of my name you can spell a bad word or Mammoax, the gian Elephant with acid spit! Or better yet maybe I should start my own team. Deadpool's Angels!

Couple of Notes on previous posts:
-I haven't foregotten about y'all egg peoples. Just haven't had the time.
-Also the casting results will be revealed soon enough!

Decimate Me one more time baby!

2006-01-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

So last night was the first day of shooting for my show. Everyone was ready(will reveal who got the parts in a later post). I had gone to my girlfriend, Stacy X's, trailer so we could get jiggy with it. Because we hadn't yet, and she said once my .I heard someone else in the trailer so I quickly rushed in. I was aghast to see Kevin Federline-Spears! I quickly moved Stacy behind me and drew out my sword.

"All right you hick, its clobberin' time!" I yelled my famous battle screen.

"Hey hunney bunchums plz take khare of tis yonder so callyed hero," said that country hick while trying to keep in gangsta.

I turned around to see Stacy using her powers against me. I fell the floor barely being able to ask her why. Then and there her faced merged. "Isn't it like so totally obvious who else could enjoy shrimpicken,"she proclaimed,"other than a like country hick. Plus didn't you hear me singing! My skills are like perfect. I'm Britney Spears! " I was shocked to lear this, but there had been no other real clues unless you count the time Madonna came over and the two started making out, or the red string she wears on her wrist, or Justin Timberlake throwing a brick through our window, or the pants she has where it says Britney Spears on the butt. So as you could imagine I had no warning of this.

Professor Xavier and Northstar came quickly to the trailer because of all the noise.

"I demand to know what is going on here?" asked the sleek headed teacher.

Federline explained what had just happened and revealed that he had the mutant ability to shift rooms 181 degrees! That's one degree more than a semi-circle! "We are now head of the new Bruther Hood of Mutants! Why the heck do you think Blob came on the set for the cameo? He was spying for us! You think Magneto was accidently injured! I thunk not! I keep it real home dawg. Yea boy," said the Federline, "Who else could've set up Apokalypseses's return with his four horsemen. Us. We control the world. You think my moosik is good? HELL NO boy, it sucks. Even my bride's mooskic sucks. We control the world. We'll make this a better place for trailer trash mutants only. That's why your going down Wade, I'm taking away your mutant powers."

"Wait a minute, I thought Wade's powers were artifical, he's not a mutant," interjected the Professor.

"That's what I thought tell Britney yonder fund a thrid niple he had, he's a stinkin mutie!"

"Hold on, I thought you said you two were mutants as well."stated Northstar.

"Ummmm....Gameover, now using the British folk known as Jamie Bradrock, he'll alter reality so he loses his powers." I'm guessing Wanda has reformed again, seems so on her blog.

Wolverine was also in the room, to boost hits of this blog. Suddenly a blacklight hit the room, stains allover the trailer. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" I yelled after realizing they had taken away my third nipple glory.

"Beam us up Toad," commanded Federline to what appeared to be a communicater.
"Can we go to Lotta burger first?" asked Federline's wife.
"Damn woman, you want to get chunky? I aint gonna be married to no fatty."

We laid there knocked out for several hours before Cable found us.

-Wade

Casting Call #1/2

2006-01-19T15:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so as I said I'll go through the castings of each part for my show. First up we had the role of the Police Cheif. For the role we had a couple of people audition including Adam West and Todd Bridges, but we knew from the start Professor Charles Xavier was the right person. Especially since the character starts...I mean is in a wheel chair. The background of the character is he was shot at a grocery store in Calcutta India when buying lotto tickets. His name is Harry Mc'Oharrysonstein. He's half jewish/catholic from the streets of Harleem. I personally tried to convince the producers to make him a Globetrotter as well, but they were like no shut up Wade. Jerkwads *Sniff*

Next role we auditioned for was my Gay friend. I didn't really have much choice since the executives picked this one. I personally wanted a female to play the gay guy, but they said "that doesn't make sense" So I'm like yeah huh it does get Jennifer Garner for the role. So they picked Northstar. I think Colin Farell also auditioned for the part, I hear he plays the other side of the street too, if you get my drift. Good luck to both, only one more of the people who posted on this blog for an audition got a part, which they can't reveal as of yet, because they don't know. I'll let everyone know when Season 1.5 starts airing. This will probably be a new continuity for the show than my previous one.

Origins and Randomness

2006-01-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay but Cable told me that I didn't gain my powers by getting bitten by a radioactive Spider. So I had to think of my origin before I posted it for this extrvaganza edition. So my origins start in desolate New Mexico. I was testing a Gamma Bomb, I had been confilicting wtih my assistant Igor. We spoted a young man named Rick Jones on the test site. I ordered the countdown to be stopped and I went out to get Mr. Jones out of the blast. Igor betrayed me and the Gamma bomb exploded while I was out there, though I managed to save Rick. And thats how I became Deadpool Hulk. Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like it.

Moving on to the randomness, I shall go through casting for my show over the next few weeks for each role. The only ones currently known are those I posted in asking for auditions and Professor Xavier for Police Cheif(as seen on his blog).

Speaking of casting I'm looking for someone to post at my blog and become my apprentice. All interested in help fill in please post in comments and leave email. Once I've contacted everyone, I'll delete the emails.

I may have also found something better than Tacos, shrimpicken.

I need to add like a billion people to the links cause they got cool sites/blogs.

I have Electric Avenuse stuck in my head, thats all folks!

-Everyone's favorite neighborhood killing/love machine Deadpool.

A brief word from our sponsors!

2006-01-08T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'll only be able to give one extra special post next week because of a wedding I'm attending(my cousin's marrying his sister, what can I say I grew up a hill billy). So since some people count Sundays as the beginning of the week I thought I'd post today. Haha I win suckers! Fancomics, which I've mentioned before is a great site. Its a forum to discuss a wide range of things. Here's a look at what you can talk about:

-Transformers: Generation One, Beast Wars, toys, cartoons, comics, and all other tf related things.

-X-Men: I'm sure Professor X will be proud to know this site has a forum dedicated to the team he gathered. Talk about he movies, cartoon, comics, and heck even their blogs.

-Star Wars: Everything Star wars here, they even have a Star Wars RPG

-Doctor Who: Talk about the British TV series

-Joss Whedon: Talk about Joss Whedon's series like Buffy, The Vampire Slayer; Angel and Firefly/Serenity.

-Talk about the webcomic Exodroids

-Also discuss cartoons, literature, canned spam, TV/movies, real life, and more! Plus they're funding me and my living expenses currently. And just between us I used their credit card to buy the kitchen table from Golden Girls in an auction. And join us next week for the extravaganza post.

Episode 2: Merc With a Liscense to Talk

2006-01-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

So at a recent meeting with the Bravo folks they finally made it official and decided that the show was better as a drama/reality show rather than a sketch show. So they're starting from square one once more. Recasting roles, making new ones, and stuff. The producer of the show is Simon Williams, also known as the Avenger's Wonderman! So with this move we'll be joining Bravo's older brother company NBC! The slot we're getting is the place where Martha Stewart's Apprentice used to be shown. Apparently we're filler since 5 people watch that time, since something called "Lost" is on during that time. The story is me raising living it up East coast style when I find out that I have a daughter. Now with my daughter's mother dead I must raise here while I complete my duties as a merc'. So my gay friend helps me raise her! Carson Kressley from Queer from the Straight guy has been casted as my gay guy's ex-boyfriend/my hairstylist. And Stacy X has been casted as my on and off again girlfriend. We've also gotten the Blob to guest star in a cameo role. Other than that we have no one.

So here's the parts I'm looking for, so if anyone's intrested please let me know:

-Police Sheriff
-Gay Friend
-My Daughter (must be under 25)
-Crimelord
-Gangster who aspires to be a tap dancer.
-Neighbor
So post if you want to audition for a part.

Also apparently my idea for me getting free tacos was axed. I mean how cool would that. Movin' on up, to the high life we're finally movin on up to the east side...good times!

P.S. The Egg people will be around in another batch of about 3 in a few weeks when more time is around.

Announcements

2006-01-03T16:04:00.000-07:00

Because of shooting on my show I'll only be able to post on the blog for most weeks 2 times a week. Also Cable won't be able to fill in either because he's going to start be a recurring character on the show. I'll give you more info about it later. Guys and Gals. Oh and here are the egg peoples:

They aren't as good as the ones I made of me and Nate.
I'm doing two versions of each(So blond Gaia coming, and two versions of the others who requested an egg people). I'll have the others done when I have more time. If anyone wants more let me know.

In news on my show:

-The whore known as Betty White has had her roll recast. Now she's been replaced by my new girl(!?!) Stacy X.
-The second episode shall premeire sometime this month on Bravo.
-The format shall be an ongoing dramadey series since the sketch show didn't go well with audiences.
-The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy bunch will be regulars.
-Expect to see my college years and meet all my kids!

Race Against Time

2006-01-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

As Wade and I stood in the Savage land as Wolverine and Peter Rasputin were eliminated from the Amazing Mutant Race our time traveling foe appeared once more.

"So I have finally found the webslinger and Jerry Lee Lewis," exclaimed Kang as he entered the arena.

"Look, I'm not Jerry Lee Lewis. My name is Nathan Summers, I go by Cable," I told Kang.

"I thought you were going by Soldier X? I was wondering whose stuff in the fridge was labeled Cable. I thought that was my stuff," interjected Deadpool.

"*Sigh* Listen Kang, what was that crisis you were talking about?" I asked.

While we were talking to Kang, I noticed Selene and Goku were looking at us as though we were madmen. They asked who we were talking to, they thought we were crazy. Obviously I couldn't prove my sanity since Wade was the only one who could see him, and sanity isn't his strong suit.

"Now I shall teleport you to the time when I rule the earth," The timelord told us.

We were teleported to a ancient Egypt, Kang sat on a throne with his girlfriend to his side.

"He baby, how'd you like to snuggle with the ole' Wademyster?" asked Wade smoothly.

"WADE! YOU IDIOT. DO YOU REMEBER THE LAST TWO TIMES YOU DID THAT?" I shouted, "Wait a minute I know you," I continued pointing at Kang's girlfriend, "You're Janet Pym, also known as the Wasp. I thought you were dating you're ex-husband/Hawkeye/Captain America. Deadpool, I'd stay away from this lady, she gets around."

"The Wademyster don't mind. The Wademyster don't care, the Wademyster knows he can give the Wasp what Kangster isn't," said Wade with a stupid girn on his face.

"You have angered Kang!"said, well who other than Kang would say that, "No one makes fun of Kang's girlfriend. He grabed Wade's hands and broke his fingers.
I asked Wasp how she could date one of her team's worst advesaries. She said, "I just have a thing for bad boys I guess, tee-hee. Plus since Hawkeye is kind of dead, I needed another man teehee." I bet that's why she went back to her wife beating husband, Giant Man.

I quickly used my teleknesis to lift one of the pyrimads and crush Kang the Conqueror with it. "My Legs, you crushed my legs!" I told him that's what he gets for being a dick.

Anyway using his equipment we travelled back to the race. Deadpool complained about his fingers(thus why I'm writing this entry) but his fingers should be healed in about half an hour.

As we arrived back we tubbled on top of a very displeased Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator and Vegeta. Once more just before Gaia arrived.

-Nathan Summers

Party till its 1999!

2006-01-01T10:45:00.001-07:00

Hey gang, so our story starts with us taking a break from Professor X's Mutant Race 2 after finishing up the second task or whatever. So I look at my watch and realize its almost midnight in Luxemburg. So I tell Cable lets port out of here and get wasted! Cable says, "No Wade, you idiot!" I told him we'd be back before anyone knew it.

So once in Luxemburg I get boozed up, but Cable says if he gets drunk then we'll lose the race for sure, pansy. There I ask this guy in a goofy purple and green get up to hold my drink well I talk to the lovely lady. While apparently that was his girlfriend and he's the ultra mean Avengers enemy Kang, who happens to be a jerkwad. He takes offense that I'm trying to pick up his girlfriend, so I say, "Hey buddy take it as a compliment, I mean your girlfriends smokin' hot."

So long story short he sends me and Cable to the year 1999. Cable got mad at me and keeps on saying, "I told you that we shouldn't have left the race, I told you you shouldn't have hit on that girl, I told you blah blah blah... He naggs me more than my wife(?). So we wonder around and get stuck there till 2000 New Year's Eve. Mind you we're still in Luxemburg, working as railroad collectors. So we go to the same place to celebrate the new year, Cable now married. To our shock we run into Kang and his girlfriend once more.

"Beware, the Y2K bugs will come. It shall punish all for there sins. I know this because I am from the year 2020. All who have sinned will be killed. Anyone who wishes to survive come with me," Kang proclaimed to the party goers.

"By any chance can you send us to the year December 31st 11:59 PM 2005?" I asked the purple claded journeyman.

"But of course Spiderman, I'm your biggest fan," he told me as he opened up a time rift, "Step into the portal weaved and Mr. Jerry Lee Lewis. Though I don't know why you'd want to go there. By 2004 Arnold Schwarzenegger is govenor of California, and then President by 2007 once the Crisis has ended."

"A crisis?" Cable asked.

"Hey Kangie, your girl's pretty hot," I said.

"Wade you idiot remember what happened when you said that last time, before we go what about the Crisis?" questioned Cable.

"You have angered Kang webhead, Leave before I destroy, and take Mr. Lewis with you. You have made an enemy out of Kang."

I shoved Cable quickly into the tunnel, not knowing who Jerry Lee Lewis is or why Cable was mistaken for him. Also his girlfriend looked oddly familiar. I'll have to look into it more once the race is done.

Once back in 2005 we teleported back to the race.

"Wade, how did you know where the hell we where in the race?" Nate asked, pansily.

"I dunno," I replied as Gaia entered the room.

"Were the heck have you two been?"

Okay so maybe someone did notice we were gone.

-Everybody's Friendly gun shooting maniac with a mouth Deadpool!

The Forthcoming Apocalypse

2005-12-30T15:03:00.000-07:00

So Cable and I have just started on the Amazing Mutant Race that Professor X is hosting. I convinced Cable to stop at the bar, he said that we'll lose to everyone else. But once I let him in on my plan, he says, "Wade you idiot thats not how the game works."
I was shocked and flabberghasted we had to find clues. I mean sure I once played Sherlock Holmes in the off Broadway production of,"Shake that booty, the life of Jimmy Carter" but still that was too much work. So we decided to find the clue which was blah-blah-loser team Defenders. Which meant Dr. Strange.Right now we're on the lunch break.I sat next to Selene , and man I think she was hitting on me. Unless she meant by whats that smell, get away from me? But I think she's talking about my new brand name Deadpool after shave. And that Hudson keeps on pointing his gun on me. I'll just have to tell him I don't play that side of the street. Thoug maybe I should give him Northstar's number.

Anyways Cable, thanks(not) to Gaia's and The Sayian's Blogs, that Apocalypse is back. He now says we need to go and stop him. But I said now, you know how much sales will go up on Cable & Deadpool with Apocy guest starring? So I'm still trying to stop him.
Dumby.
I mean have you seen him lately, he's an old homless dumby. Big Dumby...

Yay! I'm bored.

2005-12-29T17:04:00.000-07:00

Yup pretty bored here, so I made these digital egg people replicas of Cable and me:

Neat, eh?If anyone wants me to do them, I can do it when I am bored next! Ahhh...little Deadpool's smiling. In other news, I have just learned I was once a member of the Brootherhood of Mutants. I have no recollection of this, but according to the toys r us X-Men comic I found I am. Cable says its even odder, because I'm not technically a mutant( but I won't let that hold me down my mutant brothers and sistas!). This Stacy girl won't leave me alone now. She wants to move in with me. And I don't know why everytime she asks me to do something I say yes. I think Cable's going to go to his dad's wedding and try and convince one of his moms to call it off. Beats me which one. Anyways that's all folks, Cable will probably come in a little bit.

Reno 911!

2005-12-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

So I woke up this morning still, in Reno. I got hammered, but still bored. So I decided to get some "adult entertainment" if you know what I mean. The lady of the night I hired was named Stacy X. She claimed to have been an X-Man(personally I didn't believe her, but I'm sure one of the school's people can confirm this).

Instead of having what I paid her to do,all she did was complain that the mary Archangel is a jerk who sleeps with underage country girls. I really don't care she wouldn't stop complaining. So I left the room(she thinks I'm still there). As I was walking down the street, I was stopped by some cops. To my surprise they were the cops from Reno 911 on comedy central. Apparently they're real. They wanted to lock me up for "trying to kill governor of California". So I tell them they should knight me for it. I'm practically a saint for doing it.

As they were cuffing me I bodysilde back to my hotel room. Cable was pretty upset, apparently he was in the middle of a meeting with the UN or something. I really wasn't bothered. Though I did convince him to join the amazing race with me. I know how we'll win for sure... Anyway time to get back to watching Golden Girls the best of DVD with Stacy and Cable. Mmmm.....tacos!

Ho, Ho, Ho, I'll be back...

2005-12-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay guys and gals. I've been chasing down Arnold for the past few days. I've been stalking him since our confrontation at my shin dig.
Our Converstation went so(Note Arnie's dialouge is spelled to read how he said it):

ARNOLD: So da girly man Deadpool has come to veeeesit. Id you fuget yur blankie? Like a little girly man.

Deadpool: Okay I don't know what you said, but you're going down. You're evil!

A: You can't do dhat I da govenator.

Deadpool: I know about your scheme, you originally acted in the Movie Kindergarten Cop, so you could brainwash the kids at the time. Now all of who are grown up. With them in your control you could have the army the size of 1/2 the population of Wyoming.

A: So mayde you do have da proooof. But why would you stop me, when I have already taken what is most precious to you.

D: What do you mean?

*Arnold put on a video. He's making out with Bea Arthur, and BETTY WHITE! At the same time. Then things get NC-17*

A: Mwhahahahahahhahahah!!!

D: You filthy son of a ---

* I punch him, suddenly all these men in suit who are apparently the first centriplets. We battled it out. I tried to stab but to no use. He was a cyborg.

A: The terminator is my biography,not a ficichunal moovie.

We duked it out I uppercut him. After a long battle we both fell to the floor. I woke up the next morning in a Casino in Reno, NV. I'll get that little dirtbag next time. Oh yeah and professor X took this mental picture fo the battle when he read my mind(I know he got a treat of seeing Betty and Bea undressing in the video!). Thanks Professor:

First Episode of Deadpool's show

2005-12-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

Wade has requested I recount the events of his show while he stalks down the Governor of California. So here it goes:

The show opens with Deadpool's new theme song which goes like, "He's Dead, he's Dead, He's Deadpool. He's the merc with the mouth. He's got bad breath. Ugly as hell skin. But nevertheless he's lovable as the south. [Deadpool interjects] "I'm a good ole sudern boy." Yes the that's how he says it and mind you he's dancing to the theme song looking like an idiot.

So the episode starts off with him fighting ninjas and narrating about himself. He gets cornered by a bunch of ninjas. Betty White comes in and saves him. Apparently in the show she's his mother/bodyguard. Next they talk about how Deadpool could use some updating from his 90s look. So they take him to the queer eye guys. Who give him this outfit with a big pink feathers and velvet laced shoes. The queer eye peoples mistake him for being gay. So the set him up with Paris Hilton's ex-fiancee, Paris. Wade freaks out wackiness ensues. He tries to explain he's not homosexual where Paris says he's not either. And then the big twist comes at the end, the doctor calls and says, "Wade, you're going to be a dad." And that was just one skit, I won't go into anymore detail with it. Don't want to spoil anything

I give it a2 out of 5. Just because of the brief moment sketch where Wade wore a diaper.(which unfortunately wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

-Farewell for now. Nathan Summers signing off.

The Show of Last Night

2005-12-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

So the my television show premeired last night, though thats not really the important part. Apparently the reason Storm asked for two tickets was so she could go with the Black Panther. I knew she was a two time cheating whore, yet I let here trick me again. She even said that she told me the two were engaged, and I said,"Woman, do you think I listen? My memory span for converstation is 20 seconds tops." On the Red Carpet Mrs. Summers discovered about her husbands other dates(apparently he was also going with his ex-wife as well). I enjoyed seeing Mr. Summers getting his head knocked in by his dates(who suprisingly all worked together). I mean that guy can't hog all the X-booty. This resulted in Mrs. Summers asking for She-Hulk's card so she can get 99% of the stuff during the divorce.

Professor Xavier went with Gaia(check his blog for more of that). Jamie Madrox eat half the buffet by himself(suprisingly he stayed thin,even though he's not on South Beach). Cable and Domino were snorsville. Gambit got mad and claimed that he wasn't gay. Though I thought I heard him mumble, "why da deadpool set me up wit a Candaian?" Northstar was displeased also saying, "I thought you know I have higher standards than Gumbo Grease Guys."

Now going on to the most interesting part. After the screening of my new show(which shall be on Bravo)I ran into the Govenor of California, (Arnie of course). As he was talking to Doom(who happened to be chuckling about who "the cursed Richards had a wife who cheats on him"). The Govenor had the nerve to call me a girly man. I slapped him. I said, "Hey there's plenty of fine looking ladies here, I'll prove I'm a man." He then said something in wherever he's from nese. Long story short I'm now chasing him down. I've just taken a break to find him and purchase Serenity on DVD(which isn't actually a half bad movie). Cable shall drop by tommrow with a full description of my first episode. Wade out!

My Show Shall Premiere

2005-12-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

First off I did manage to track down Cable using our super cool bodysliding. He told me to go away. Apparently fighting off Apocalypse and his new Horsemen are more important than some stupid pictures of me. I told him they weren't stupid. My mom said I look very handsome in those pictures.

Tonight Bravo is holding a special screening of the first episode of my reality/sketch comedy show, which is now entitled "Deadpool The Ever-loving Speedo Wearing Mercenary who at times is a little loose with Language." So the screening is red carpet in Hollywood of course. I think I might get lucky with Storm after the showing, she asked for two tickets so she could see it. Other famous people are attending are:

Betty White(my Co-star)
The Guys from Queer eye for the Straight guy
She-Hulk "Jennifer Walters"w/ date John Jameson Jr.
Cable("Nathan Summers") w/ Domino
Gov. Arnold Schwartzenager w/ date Sue Richards
Samuel L. Jackson w/ date to be determined
Jamie Madrox w/Rahne Sinclair
Gambit "Remy LeBeau" (who I have set up on a blind date with Northstar)
Cyclops "Scott Summers" w/ date Emma Frost and Jean Grey(can't hate a player)
Professor Charles Xavier w/ date tbd
Dr. Victor Von Doom w/ date Charlize Theron

There's more I'm foregetting, but those are the big names for the most part.

Its called Civil War!

2005-12-18T21:10:00.000-07:00

So I have received compensation for my lawsuit. She-hulkie managed to get Marvel to promise me a upcoming spot in its next big block buster comic event entitled, "Civil War". I'll have a big role in the comic, well okay maybe not. They did say I would speak. Alright, Alright, I was promised a Cameo. Fine I was promised to have my name mentioned.

In other news and notes, Nate still has pictures from my date with Paris. I plan on burning them tonight. As for why obviously the pictures are misleading. Plus I think Storm and my relationship's got started again. I told her I'd get plastic surgery(though I'm not *snickers*). And I don't just lay there if thats what you're thinking, Mr. Reader. Anyway I'm off.

Bodyslide!

I get no respect...

2005-12-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

Well according to Professor Xavier's post on my last entry I'm in the X-Men Legends video game. I was unaware of this. So I called up She-Hulk to find out if I'm getting paid royalties. She says no. Because of this and the recent lack of jobs, I've decided to sue Marvel and Activision for 2.3 million dollars. She-Hulk said that's unwise, because they'll probably make Cable/Deadpool comic Cable and I'll be thrown into limbo. But hey I'm trying to keep it real.

And sorry for the lack of posting. Busyness getting drunk in my underwear crying. Tried to watch Bea Arthur's one woman show, but just started to cry myself to sleep.

-DP everyone's favorite merc' with a mouth.

Mr. Summers I'm afraid has misinformed you...

2005-12-02T17:53:00.000-07:00

Well I have read Nate boy's post about my alleged date with a male Paris. Now I have no idea what he's talking about. Yeah maybe I had a few drinks with a guy named Paris, but nothing happened I had to do because of a contract. Because he betrayed my trust I'm kicking him off my blog. He is no longer welcomed here. Loser.

Anyway She-hulkie is helping me get out of this show or another date. I did go onto Queer Eye, they gave me a Pirate shirt for some odd reason. They also called me Spiderboy. So I stabbed the blondie. He apparently thought it was assult(I made sure I didn't kill him). Though I might stay because Bravo has offered to get me Betty White as a co-star! Oh so ever closer to Bea Arthur....

NATHAN SUMMERS A JERK!!!!
Also I kicked him out of the apartment with the help of the ever so beautiful She-hulk. So now he's homeless, so if anyone has extra space you can take him in.

It's been a rough few days...

2005-11-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

Well the night after my last post I decided to purpose to She-Hulk, as I was going to here place John Jameson Jr. answered the door in his boxers. *Sigh* Apparently Jennifer didn't think we were exclusive, though at least I didn't tell her about my engagement plans. The last few days I've been watching Wade's Golden Girl Box sets and drinking Wiskey.
Though today I got some bad news, the woman my mom was cloned from(who is also my mom I guess) turned evil again. Because of my stupid dad. I mean seriously, I think Ms. Frost has some disease, and from what Warpath has told me gets around. Anyway I'm assembling a new X-Force team to help Professor Xavier stop her.

As always,

Nathan Summers

Tidbit about Wade's Paris Date

2005-11-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

Well I just got a call from Wade about his date with Paris today. Turns out it wasn't Paris Hilton, it was her ex-fiancee. His name apparently is also Paris. I laughed for 20 min. after hearing that. He was very displeased, especially after Paris kept on trying to give him a smooch on the lip. Though Wade for once was a gentlemen on his date. Apparently they saw Rent together. Oh god, thats just too hilarious for words.

Now to my date with She-Hulk. I think we may have something there, nothing has happened (if you get my drift), but she may be the one. Though Wade has requested to try and get him out of some contracts he's signed with Bravo, including going on a few other dates.

-Nathan Summers

To spare you from Wade...

2005-11-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, Nathan Summers here to reintroduce myself. You might know as Cable, my mission is to save this world. I was on MSN messenger and I was talking to Wade, he asked me to post once more. So yes Wade is not impersonating me. I'll try and post some what in Wade's absence, but no gurantees. I have to take care of Providence. If I have time you might even see some juicy photos of Wade, though I'm sure his show will have enough of those. Got to go for now, have a date to night with a Ms. Jennifer Walters.

More Fantastic Deadpool News!

2005-11-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

Okay so the shooting for my show begins next week meaning I'll probably only update the blog once a week or so. I'm very excited about this episode in the first episode I go on a date with Paris Hilton(I'm pretty sure thats what they said). But first I get a wardrobe update from the Queer Eye dude. I'll try to get Cable to fill in once in awhile, but he's not much of a blogger type. Saying its more important to save the world. But if you ever feel the need for more blogging check ou the links on the side to other blogs, or even better the forums! My personal favorites are Fancomics and Professor Xavier's Blog.

Showtime Baby!

2005-11-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

Yay I got a show, boy-o. And the title does not refer to the channel it will be on. It will be indeed on Bravo as I stated before. I'm in between Queer Eye for the Straight guy and Boy meets Boy(hosted by Ben Savage of Boy Meets World). My show will be called, "Deadpoolios" It might change, but its a working title.

So here's how it went. I was gone yesterday because I was ironing out a deal. Though when I signed it I thought the channel was grande macho and had the girls in bikins. Apparently no. Oh well, my show will make it much macho. It'll follow me around, sometimes I'll sit down and chat with guests, other times I'll show you how to kill you're ex with a stop watch, and also sing and dance routine. I'm also contractully obligated to go on Queer Eye for the Straight guy.

Now this won't interfere with my other duties as great Merc' with a mouth. I also plan on mentoring Emma Frost's Hellions at Xavier's School, since she joined the peta or something(damn pinkos). So anyhow I just have to get Xavier's permission to tape some of the show there will update you.

Stupid Fox Network

2005-11-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

So for the past year or so I've been talking to the Fox Network about getting my own reality show. It'd basically follow me on my average day fighting Bears, midgets, Manute Bol, Tammy Faye Baker, watching Golden Girls season 1 box set, baby sitting some freak, and so on. So I'm told my show is going to be canceled because it "doesn't make sense" and "no one wants to see you without pants watching TV" and "you don't fight enough animals and circus people".

So I say screw you. I'll sell it elsewhere. Apparently Bravo is interested. Don't have that on my cable, so no idea what they show. But hey if they're willing to show me than they must be way macho.

But a second screw you to Fox for canceling by favorite television show Arrested Development. Now for those of you who don't know it follows the Bluth family who are kind of like the Hiltons met Enron family and they're crazy adventures. It is my theory they did this to spite me. The show is hilarious and I suggest those who are interested pick up the season box sets. I hear they're going for 12 bucks in some areas. It's a hilarious show and it'll start airing reruns on Fox on Mondays at 8 starting Dec. 5. Atleast rent the DVD from you're local Blockbuster. I guarantee its LOL. But try to watch it from the beginning some of the jokes are lost if you just jump into the middle. SAVE THE BLUTH FAMILY! They won 12 Emmys for pete's sake and how else will I watch the fabulous Jeffrey Tambor and Jason Bateman.

Crazy Fans

2005-11-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

Today was a normal day as usual. Ate tacos, watched the View...I mean Sportscenter, played Xbox, watched my tivo episode of the View...I meant the O.C.!!! Swear to someone's god I did. Wait is O.C. better than the View?

Anyway I get a call....Stop looking at me like that! No I don't have a crush on sweet delicious Barbra Walters if thats what you're thinking. Thats sick, I'd never cheat on Bea Arthur. Erhh...so anyways....Of course I don't find Star Jone's scrumptious @$$ attractive. Ummm...That's set you don't get to know what happened during my day as punishment.

Dang Alternate-Versions

2005-11-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

So I'm gone for a little while (my humblest apologizes, I didn't ask cable to take my place. Thought I'd spare you). And some other Deadpool posts, who's apparently had a blog longer about how lame I am.

Now normally this is where I go into the show and cry. But no, this is either that stupid thinks he's great Agent X or another version of me. So now I'm left wondering if I'm real me or is he the real me. Very confusing yes?

Guess who's Back Ladies!

2005-11-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

Ha-ha, I'm back beyotches! Yes I went to court to stop the crossover. And I was successful, She-Hulkie's a hell of a lawyer. I read Cable's post in my absence, I apologize. They were horrible, though I've agreed to let him share my blog from time to time. Yup great old me, stopping crossovers, getting the ladies, someday I might have my own movie. I'm freakin' fabulous. And as a treat here's a picture of the lusty lawyer Jennifer Walters:

Oh yeah baby, very lusty. I might call to meet her in something other than business.

Back From Camping

2005-10-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

Got back from camping this morning, *sniff* it was the worst trip ever. All dad did was complain about how his wife was dead. Grandpa got drunk and started hitting on Emma and Rachel(who happens to be his granddaughter), Havok had to leave because Polaris was mad at him, my half brother X-Man kept on trying to prove his reality was way more suckier. Plus he had all the marshmellows. I hate alternate versions of myself.

Then during the night I had to sleep in the same tent with X-man, Nightcrawler, and Wolverine. Wolverine smelt pretty bad, and kept on muttering in his dreams, "Now its just me and you Viper....yes I do think it'd be better if we fought nude. Whats that Jean you want to fight with us too?.....Oh yeah sure, Kitty, Storm, Betsy, Mystique you can get in as well....Don't think I foregot about you Cyke....Need to grease you up." Ick....I don't think I'll ever be able to have a crossover with him again. Anyway Nightcrawler was hyper from all the candy he got before halloween. Didn't sleep a wink, kept on teleporting in and out of here. Each time with a set of panties.
Thats the last camping trip I go on with these guys.

Camping

2005-10-29T12:48:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone Cable here once again. Well I'm planning on going camping this weekend with my estranged father Cyclops, his girlfriend Emma Frost, my half sister from the future Rachel Summers, my grandfather Corsair, my clone Stryfe, my alternate verion Nate Grey, my uncle Havok, and for some reason Nightcrawler and Wolverine are coming along as well.

Hopefully this will give me a chance to connect with my father. But then again thats why my other siblings are going...So I might not get a chance to any alone time with him. Also I have to sit with Nightcrawler and Wolverine in the back. Nightcrawler keeps on saying to me, "Ve going to have a good time with da girls. Da girls they are good vithout the clothes, ja?" When I told him the only girls were my sister and my possibly future stepmother he told me that it was okay, they were still good. Well wish me luck, I'll let you all know how things went.

-Nathan Summers

P.s. Deadpool wanted me to pass it along that he knows everyone misses his posts about Bea Arthur and taxies? No maybe the note says tacos, though that doesn't make sense either...

Welcome All...

2005-10-28T18:50:00.000-06:00

Hello, I am Nathan Christopher Charles Summers Dayspring, also known as Cable. I have gone by other aliases such as Soldier X and Askani'Son. I am the son of Scott Summers and Madylene Pryor. My father sent me to the future to save my life when I was a mere baby.

I came back to your present to prevent the dark future I grew up in were everyday was a constant battle. Over the years here I formed X-Force and fought the evil forces that threatened mutants. Along the way I met Deadpool. Over the last year or so Wade and I have come closer friends. He has asked me to fill in for him well he's in court. Hope you all enjoy my posts. I'm sure they'll be more thought out than Wade's. Oh and he told me to post the following:

"Bea Arthur my love I hope..."

Never mind the note goes on and gets alarmingly graphic.

Best Wishes to finding your salvation,

Cable

Ha-Ha! Justice is served...now Suing Marvel

2005-10-27T18:32:00.000-06:00

She-Hulkie got Agent Retardo's case thrown out of court. I think he was crying leaning against Taskmaster's shoulder when we were leaving. But as Judge Edo was dismissing the court Me and She-Hulk were teleported to the moon of Mars. Apparently we're apart of some crossover with DC characters called Infinite Houses of Crisis on X-Earths. We plan to sue, anyone who doesn't wish to be apart of this crossover is welcomed to join(She-Hulk told me to tell you that, and I might get a special bath if enough people sign up!)

So I purpose my fellow superhero bloggers join B.A.G.C.C.M.C. standing for Bloggers against company crossovers money making chimachunga! I added the last part. Also I'm having trouble with adding links, I'm not good with html. Anyone can help? please.

Stupid Legal System...

2005-10-21T15:53:00.000-06:00

I just got back from a mission and I find I'm being sued by Agent X for assult and battery or something like that. Stupid legal system. I think I'm going to try and sneak to Chile. Plus he's the one who started it! He started punching me when my brain damaged self was just playing with my wee-wee. *Sniff*

Anyway I've got She-Hulk defending me. Best part she's doing it for free because X pinched her butt when they're in the elevator together. Plus she's not bad on the eyes if you know what I mean.

This Sucks....

2005-10-17T18:19:00.000-06:00

Spent the whole weekend with the Thunderbolts looking for some Z-list villain like Doombot #5. Apparently they needed all the help they could because Wolverine, Spiderman, and X23 all came along as well(Side Note: X23 offered to: "Licky, licky for $5" very creepy). Missed the weekend with Dazzler, who I guess is in Mojoland Hong Kong looking for her husband. ATleast I was able to steal some stuff for the T-Bolts room. Oh yeah all! Check out Prof. Xavier's blog here:http://professorxavier.blogspot.com/

I'm sure his life is much more interesting than mine.

Thunderbolts, Thunderbolts, Thunderbolts Ho!

2005-10-14T18:55:00.000-06:00

Well I was on my way to do a new job(hired to steal some computer do-hickey) I ran on to the Thunderbolts, and wanted to see how my old friend the Fixer was doing. I wanted him to fix my blender, but turns out he's not apart of them. Apparently there's a "New Thunderbolts" with Captain Marvel, Speed Demon, and some other losers. So I got stuck in the middle of their battle, I tried to record Captain Marvel sayimg Shazam! on my cell phone. I think they wer fighting Tiger Shark or some loser. Now I have to help them, this sucks. I hate crossovers.

I hate replacements

2005-10-13T16:32:00.000-06:00

So I've been hired to protect Kingpin's nephew or something. Well so the guy hires other mercenaries, and you guessed it including Agent X. For those of you who don't know Agent X or Alex Hayden is this dude that is part me and 3 other guys. While I was dead people thought he was me, nope just has part of my brain and healing ability. So while I'm on the job he makes so crack remark about me being Potsy! Me Potsy? While I showed the generic matrix-looking commie what he deserved and shot him. I then proceeded to take out his pancreas. Showed him what he had coming.

Check out Fancoimcs

2005-10-12T16:17:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to give a shoot out to my favorite forum Fancomics! Check it out, great place to talk about Nerd stuff I guess and tacos too!

http://fancomics.3.forumer.com/index.php?act=idx

Bedazzled!

2005-10-12T16:12:00.000-06:00

The lady lovely in the picture with me is Alison Blare, aka Dazzler (the in front? maybe). I recently had a run in with her at Professor Xavier's mansion. We had a fun time in the hot tub together, we plan on continuing our fun Saturday night(to sunday morning hopefully?) Though I'm not a one woman type of man. I have the Scarlett Witch, Storm, Bea Arthur and many others after me. I can't be tamed. Oh yeah!

Holla Ladies

2005-10-11T19:40:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone I'm Deadpool. You can also call me Wade. I'm known around the world as the Merc with a mouth. I decided to start this blog after seeing how cool Professor Xavier's one is. So yeah this is just an intro. And by the way Me> Commie loving Agent X.

Deadpool's Journal

2005-10-11T19:00:00.000-06:00

Deadpool's Journal

Testing...Testing...Should've picked another blog template thingy. Thought this would be cool cause, its looked red the color of blood.